A very special friend reached out to me wanting to share her personal story of what it's like to be in a law enforcement family. She shares her struggles of constant worry, fear and pride in an attempt to shine a light on what exactly it means to be an officer in our scary society. She would have told this story herself on her personal platform but doesn't want to put her family in danger by making them a target for potential hate or violence. I hope this touching story gives some insight on what the families of police officers feel each day and is a reminder that the victims and their families of targeted hate crimes, no matter their race or career, deserve a happy and healthy life free from constant fear.
ALL lives matter. Spread love, teach tolerance.
Article reposted with permission of author.
Thin Blue Line
I'm not sure if it was the loud popping sound outside my bedroom window or the urgency in my father's voice that startled me from sleep that night, but without knowing it in the moment, this would be a night that I would never forget and one I would reflect on often throughout my life.
I quickly raised up in my bed, in awe of the glowing blue lights dancing around my bedroom walls. I anxiously turned to the window over my head then nervously pulled the plastic blinds apart, my heart racing like crazy, still not clearly understanding the depth of what had just happened or what I might see outside. Aside from the rotating glow of blue lights, though, I couldn't make out anything in the darkness. Suddenly, in the background of the hallway, I heard my father telling my mother to dial the police station and let them know that shots had been fired. Shots had been fired? I jumped up out of my bed. Shots had been fired!
My father was already dressed and rushing out the front door by the time I made it into the living room and the lump in my throat made it impossible to make a sound, even though there was so much I wanted to say and ask. I stumbled over to the screen door and pressed my face against it as the blue-lit shadow of my father quickly faded away down the road. I was worried and scared for reasons unknown, I just instinctively knew that's how I should feel.
It seemed like days, although I know it was only hours, before my father made it back to our house and the story unfolded regarding the events from earlier that night.
It had started as a routine traffic stop, as an officer always tries to go into every situation believing...they have to believe that or they wouldn't do it at all. The difference, this time, was that the policeman, a friend and coworker of my father's, never made it to the dark colored van before he felt the bullet pierce his leg and the weight of his body fall to the ground. As the van sped off, he pulled himself back to his patrol car and had just said the words, "Officer down!" into his car radio when my father arrived at his side. The fact that "backup" was just a few driveways away was a blessing on that night, as the officer survived his surprise attack; however, he would feel the grueling impact of that bullet wound until his passing years later.
Without a doubt, this heart-wrenching night was not the only time that concern and fear for my father's safety, as well as those serving with him, were at the forefront of our lives. After his 20 years in law enforcement, he had patrolled numerous cities, both big and small, never knowing what he might have to face. He just continued to follow his calling to protect and serve. He selflessly sacrificed for the betterment of others, even at the high cost of the possibility that he wouldn't make it back home each night and even so, throughout his career, he instilled in those around him a sense of pride and honor, along with a legacy that still continues almost 30 years after he succumbed to his battle with cancer. With each glance I make towards his photo hanging on the wall, I tear up seeing my father looking so handsome in his blue uniform and I can't help but believe he's proudly patrolling the streets of Heaven, greeting people with a warm smile and continuing to selflessly serve.
It's interesting, though, how our lives replay sometimes, as if we're meant to live them over again, only now we're able to apply all the challenging lessons that we've learned in order to be more understanding. On the morning that my father passed, I would not have imagined that I would soon meet and fall in love with a man with the same strength and passion in his heart for the field of law enforcement, yet that's exactly what happened one crisp spring day. When I learned of his career goals, I knew what to expect, as I had lived it most of my life; however, as emotional as worrying about your father is, it's tenfold when it's your husband.
In the early years of my husband's career, it touched my heart to see the little kids run up to him, asking tons of questions to their local superhero, someone they aspired to be when they grew up; two of those kids being our own. I was also so proud at the events I attended that he participated in as a member of the honor guard, and although it touched my heart seeing the brotherhood and sisterhood in action, it was also with severe heartbreak that I attended the funerals of his fallen comrades, each time solemnly awaiting his participation in a 21-gun salute. I can honestly say that every step of the way has been jam-packed, completely full of every spectrum of emotion that one person can consume...I've felt it all, as I know my fellow spouses have felt, just as my mother had felt...and just as we have felt it all, our police officers have felt it even heavier.
It's beyond imagination that they see things firsthand that make others of us squirm in our seats during a scary movie scene. We can look away, we can forget, but they never will. They will go into buildings and homes, not knowing what's waiting for them on the other side. They will approach vehicles always on guard, never knowing if the person behind the wheel is ready to run, shoot or fight.
They will console, counsel, advise and direct total strangers as if they've known them all of their lives. They will go without sleep, meals will go by unnoticed and minutes will blend into hours as if they have nowhere else to be except right in the middle of an accident scene, a domestic disturbance or a homicide investigation. They will make daily sacrifices without hesitation and family plans will be altered around the commitment they have to the badge on their chest. They are strong, they are humble, but we should never forget that they are human.
So after more than 20 years of loving my husband and kissing him goodbye before he's headed off to work, it's within the last few years that my heart has ached, truly genuinely ached, for the safety of our serving men and women, those choosing to wear a badge on their chest and taking an oath to protect and serve. As I share my story tonight, it brings tears to my eyes to know that we are always on guard, always awaiting the unexpected, just in case. We always have to be so careful about where we go or who we might run into based on this recently defined line that continues to be drawn between those who support our police officers and those who strongly oppose their existence. I would never have imagined I would ever have such a heightened sense of my surroundings at all times or would ever hesitate when asked the career field of my husband.
It is in these recent times that I feel this desperate need to conceal the pride in my heart as I watch my son become a third generation police officer. I want to post, share and brag on my son for choosing such an honorable, respectful and selfless profession, yet, I hesitate...and that in itself is most heartbreaking of all. I hesitate for the safety of my family, for the safety of his family and for the safety of those closest to him. I hesitate and it simply breaks my heart.
In a world that seems driven in joining together for a common cause, I would like to extend a call to action. I want to ask each and every citizen to come together in your community, stand strong behind our police officers and help eliminate this division between whose life matters and whose life doesn't. I hope everyone agrees that we all matter; there are really good people out there and if you take the time to find out, you'll see that a great number of those really good people are in law enforcement. They're out there each day and night protecting and serving, walking the beat in your hometown, spending countless hours helping to ensure that a missing child makes it home safely tonight, that a hardened criminal is removed from your neighborhood and that a drunk driver is removed from the road.
They're out there, rain or shine thankfully, walking the thin blue line.
