In my last article, I wrote about the Libertarian Party. This time, I'm covering the absolute last resort for voters who want to fulfill their civic duty, but can't stand any of the candidates: write-ins. If you're going to throw a vote away, why not do it in style? There's no rule preventing you from voting for Daffy Duck or Captain America for President, so go for it. Here are five of my suggestions for a write-in candidates, starting with the Democrat and Republican runners-up:
5. Bernie Sanders
Bernie Sanders may have pledged his support to Hillary Clinton, and even went so far as to tell his supporters that life is unfair and they should get used to it, but they vowed to keep on fighting. That fighting spirit was on display when Russell Lytle, a supporter from Denton, Texas, gave a speech to the Texas delegation during the DNC condemning Clinton. Lytle apologized for his statement, claiming that it was given "in a moment of passion", but still demonstrated that the Sanders crowd won't go quietly.
4. Ted Cruz
I always took Ted Cruz as one of the more levelheaded Republican candidates, but that wasn't enough to win the nomination. He may have congratulated Donald Trump in his RNC speech, but that's not necessarily an endorsement. In fact, his speech makes it sound like Cruz is already campaigning for the 2020 election. Diehard supporters can pretend we're four years in the future by writing him in.
3. Deez Nuts
The write-in space on the ballot is the perfect opportunity for a Deez Nuts joke, but 15 year old Brady Olson of Wallingford, Iowa took it further and actually filed a statement of candidacy for the Presidential primary. Deez Nuts created some media buzz when he polled at 9% in North Carolina, 8% in Minnesota, and 7% in Iowa.
2. Captain America
I mentioned him in my intro, so why not? Cap became President on two occasions in comic book form. The first time was in What If? #26 by Mike W. Barr, in which Cap wins 51.7% of the popular vote and 138 electoral votes. He gives up leading the Avengers, but still does plenty of good as President by uniting America and giving us sustainable energy. The second time was in the 2012 version The Ultimates series as the nation stands on the brink of civil war. Funny enough, Cap wins as a write in candidate!
1. Vermin Supreme
He is the only candidate with a position on gingivitis, the silent killer. He has also promised every American a pony. Just keep in mind that you'll have to register your pony. With perfect teeth and ponies for all, Vermin Supreme promises that we'll be ready for the zombie apocalypse.