Dear Readers,

Some of the material in this article may be a little graphic and unsettling. With no intent to harm any reader but instead, to inform the masses I say read with care and caution and know that if you ever need help or someone to talk to, to call 1-800-273-8255. Every life matters, including yours.

There are things in this world that are universally labeled ugly. Terrorism, animal cruelty, cancer, murder, rape, etc.The list can keep going. All these things are seen with such hatred and painful intensity that romanticizing them or trying to paint them as though they are good things would cause an outrage and many facebook posts and fights, which all makes sense. If you talked to someone about cancer, who had lost their loved one from the big C, and you told them how romantic it was or how beautiful it was watching someone disappear right in front of you, you would probably get punched in the face. It is crazy to me that clearly, I am stating the obvious. But with things like mental health and taking care of oneself, these statements are not so obvious or ever even really mentioned.

There is this trend, heavily visible in the music industry, where people who are “insane” or just not doing too well mentally are appealing and sexual. People are saying that because they hear voices, because they have mood swings they are more desirable. Artists like Lana Del Rey and Melanie Martinez have literally made millions and a living feeding off from the idea that a compromised mental state is sexual and alluring. You see all over social media people posting posts about Harley Quinn and how they want a relationship just like hers and the Joker’s; ignoring the fact that the girl has Stockholm syndrome and is in a very abusive and dangerous relationship. There are post sayings things like “The crazy ones are hotter,” or “My brokenness makes me sexy.” It all just blows my mind; the fact that this is even a thing. Let me throw you all into the reality of this.

I do not feel beautiful when I am counting the pills to make sure I have enough for the week so I don’t get over the top and I can keep the crying under control. I do not feel beautiful when I am standing in front of the mirror naked. Because my arms, my legs, and my stomach are scarred from where I tore my skin apart. I do not feel beautiful when I am standing in a grocery store and my chest gets heavy and I feel like the walls are closing in and I am going to die. I do not feel beautiful walking my dog at night and having to go to the ground and curl up in a ball because the memories of past nights consume me. I am not beautiful when I am screaming at my boyfriend for reasons I don’t understand; for reasons I can not stop. I am not beautiful when I go from crying one minute and laughing hysterically like a clown the next. I will admit to my brokenness but I won't say that it's beautiful.

When I am curled up on the bathroom tiles, crying, punching and scratching, I do not think of beauty or how this could be seen as seductive. I am thinking of my pain and how all I want is for one moment my mind to shut up.

Broken people are not ugly people. Insane people are not ugly people. They are just people who need a little extra help getting through their day. But when broken people see the music industry, the social media posts, all the outsiders making a profit from sexualizing and romanticizing their pain, it lets us down. It pushes us further in the corner and makes us believe that our pain is not going to be taken seriously. It gets in our heads that our reasoning will be belittled and labeled as “a cry for attention.”

I WANT ANYTHING BUT ATTENTION! But I DO want help. Hearing lyrics like “You like me best when I'm off my rocker. Tell you a secret, I'm not alarmed. So what if I'm crazy? The best people are” do not encourage me to talk about my problems. I don’t want to be a line in a lyric. I do NOT want to be a romatiscied character in pain.

Broken people’s pain is real. And fantasizing about it and minimizing the cause is not going to help. Isolation is increasing. People are already shamed for taking the pills they need for help. Do not scare them away from the only help they have left, talking.