I've played soccer my entire life. From the time I could walk, I was athletic- a rambunctious, energetic child that my parents could barely contain. When I was 4-years-old, I picked up soccer and it was love at first goal. The game is beautiful, complex, difficult and intricate. It was clear to myself and my parents alike that this sport was going to become a part of our lives indefinitely. As I grew older, I joined more advanced teams and started competing against some of the best players in the state. Over the years, our team stuck together and formed a close bond as we moved up through the rankings. We attended countless tournaments across our region and traveled for matches every weekend. Between the practices, scrimmages, tournaments, and training sessions, soccer overpowered my life. I had found something I was pretty good at and also loved passionately. When I entered high school, I knew I wanted to play for the school's team. I made the junior varsity squad and started juggling club ball, school work, and the JV team all at once. It was a lot to handle, but I was thrilled. I was starting to see a future playing soccer, with hopes to continue playing competitively through college and beyond.
However, life had other plans. During a junior varsity game my sophomore year, I suffered a serious knee injury- I had completely torn my ACL. I was crushed, but still hopeful that after the surgery was performed, I could make a full recovery and go back to life as I had known it. But thing's didn't go quite as I had hoped. The surgery was very difficult for me- my knee was swollen beyond recognition, and I struggled to get off of the crutches even when it was time to begin walking on my own again. Even when I did start to regain my strength, through countless hours of physical therapy, my mental state was never the same. Any time I tried to run, kick the ball around, or simply be active, re-injury was always in the back of my mind. When I finally returned to soccer, my aggressive and physical nature was no longer there. I was timid and fearful of direct contact with other players. My performance suffered due to this, and the following year, I didn't make the cut for the varsity team. All my friends moved up, and I remained on JV- scared, frustrated, and saddened.
Everything went downhill from there. I started to get angry at myself. Plenty of other athletes have suffered ACL tears and much more significant injuries and have made a full comeback. So why couldn't I? After several complications post-op (one requiring a second smaller surgery), I gave up hope of ever being the player I once was. My dreams of playing in college were dashed. I was devastated, and I still find myself thinking about how different things could've been to this day.
It's been six years since my career ending injury, and my life is completely different now. I am heavily involved with my college education and have duel internships under my belt. I am proud of where I am, but I can't help but wonder- what would I be doing with my life had I not torn that ligament? Would I have gone to a different school? Everything could be totally different. But the "what if's" of life will haunt and torment you if you allow them to. Sure, I never wanted to experience an ACL tear, and wish it had never happened, but in a way, it led me down a new path and into a new chapter of my life. I miss soccer deeply, and sometimes even struggle to watch others play. I get flooded with memories and emotions simply seeing a game on TV. But losing such a huge part of my life gave me the freedom to experience other things that I simply wouldn't have had I still been consumed by my sport.
Serious sports-related injuries have a huge impact on those who suffer from them. In my case, it changed my life completely and took me in a new direction. While it's easy to be angry, bitter, and resentful- everything happens for a reason. As cheesy as that sounds, I've really found it to be true. My life changed against my will, but it has led me to where I am now, and for that, I am thankful.
