One of my biggest issues in life is making small decisions. I have no idea when this became such an issue for me, let alone why — but what I have learned is that those without this problem underestimate how big of an issue it is, and even make fun of me for it. I don't mind someone making fun in small jokes as a good friend — I mean I see strangers roll their eyes at me on a regular basis.
Based on the title, you have an idea of the story I'm about to tell. This happened today, ironically enough. I went to a food location on my college campus, and after sitting and staring at menus, I decided to get pasta. I walked over to the pasta station and the lady there looked at me with a smile, and asked "May I help you?" After I started asking questions about the options and taking pauses to think between small choices, the lady stopped everything.
She put down the ladle, and started laughing. She eventually pulled her head back up and said to me, "Boy, I've never had a customer like you — holy cow!"
I understand that this isn't a big deal. In the grand scheme of things, this means nothing, really. But in that moment I felt like an idiot. I felt like I was so abnormal... and that feeling is lingering.
Yes, it's okay to be abnormal. In fact, I pride myself in being very unique. What most people don't realize is that one instance is never just one instance; the lady making fun of how I can't decide on my pasta upsets me because this is how I decide on most small things. I have a terrible time deciding every morning if I want a bagel or tater tots, deciding every night which pajamas to wear, deciding in class which pen to use — it never ends.
One comment is never about the one time — it becomes about every time, all the time.
Honestly, the best thing someone can do for me is to remind me it's okay to mess up. I get the most stressed when I think the small decision matters. In those moments, I truly believe these choices matter, and I totally forget how unimportant it is which soup I try today. I can always try the other soup tomorrow, or next week. Remembering to relax is so difficult for us indecisive beings.
