September 4, 2016, seemed to be a normal Sunday just like any other. I paused holding my breath not knowing what to think. I couldn't move, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't see, and I had no idea what was going on, but I am getting a little ahead of myself now, so I need to back it up just a bit.

All I remember is sitting in the back of the car thinking about all the homework and cleaning I needed to do once I got back to school. It had been a busy weekend, and I was tired. I was excited to get to practice on Monday after being out with intense ankle pain from my tendonitis. I was going to see the field again and was hopeful for a great junior year as a two-sport collegiate athlete.

Then, I do not remember anything as it all went black...

Time froze, and I had no control over what was happening. My chest was heavy with pain not letting a single breath escape for awhile. I was helpless, and I had no idea what was happening. I was being pulled from a car, and I could not do anything about it. People screaming and sirens rang in my ears. I did not know where I was or how long I had been out for. I took my first breath after what seemed like hours, and I felt the pain rise.

I opened my eyes and saw the blue skies something I had almost forgot about. I was laying on the asphalt unable to move, trying to remain calm even though I had no idea what had happened. The paramedics were putting a neck brace on telling me not to move, which I couldn't anyway. Several of them surrounded my body as the lifted me on the stretcher and hauled me off. I was screaming in pain...everything hurt.

I did not know what to do, I couldn't feel my legs, and fear was coming over me. I am an athlete; I need my legs. I tried with every bit of power within me to move them, but nothing happened. I just started to cry uncontrollably, which for me was weird because I never cry. Soccer and running are all legs, so how would I be myself if I couldn't play sports, what fate would await me then? I thought the worst and honestly, I told myself...

"It would be better to die than not be able to play the sports I love."

A thought in a moment so scary I wish I had never had. I kept fading in and out because the pain was so intense, paramedics asked me questions and said I needed to stay awake. My eyes were too heavy, and my brain was shutting down. I was scared my life would no longer be the same.

I spent hours in the trauma room going through an ultrasound, X-rays and a CAT scan. I did not know what to think; no one would tell me anything. All I could do was lay there unable to move parts of my body. After a bit, I could finally move my toes, but that was about it. I was still scared, and the doctors were too. They tried to hide it, but I could see it written on their faces. I could not move the rest of my legs, and I certainly could not bend my knees. My right arm hurt so bad I could barely move that as well. The bruises above were probably the main reason.

The doctors needed to check out my spine which meant I was going to be screaming for a few minutes. Turning me on my side on the count of three took about five doctors, my bruised and battered hips couldn't take the pain. I cried knowing that this was the worst pain I had ever been in, I was starting to get light-headed as the pain was becoming too much and they returned me to my back. After about five hours, the doctors finally figured out that nothing was internally wrong with me after all of the tests came back.

They were not sure if they could let me go home or not. Finally, after hours of laying there in pain, I was given morphine through my IV. I was to just lay there and wait. I couldn't move my neck because they wanted to do another set of X-rays on it just to be safe. Praying that nothing was wrong with my spinal cord because I was having problems moving my neck.

The cuts on my foot were minor and did not need to be stitched. The laceration on the bottom of my tongue could have been stitched it just was going to be more painful that way. My missing front tooth was a big problem. I had lost the majority of my front tooth with the nerves exposed. The doctors made jokes how" too bad" it was not October yet. I appreciated how they tried to make me laugh, but I looked really funny.

At this point I just wanted to leave the hospital I hated being there. They had done more blood work on me and after what seemed like days they finally released me. I couldn't walk or move my body all that much due to my hips being in such severe pain. I was able to get into the wheelchair, but the pain was still there it never went away. I just wanted it to go away, but I soon realized that even two weeks after the accident I still would have pain. The concussion is still present, and there is no timeline for that.

Through this whole situation, I had realized that I had let so much of my identity revolve around my athletic ability. In reality, I would be fine if I couldn't play sports, but why in that moment did it control so much of my thought. It helped me to realize that my identity was not fully in Christ as it once was. I let myself fall into the busy schedule of a two-sport athlete and let that control what I did or did not do.

The seatbelt did a lot of damage to my body for the first week; I had the entire shape of it as a bruise. The bruising has gone down, and I can move much easier. It did a lot of damage to my body but without it, my story would have been written by someone else. The seatbelt saved my life, and that is why it is so important to wear them.

I am a survivor of a serious accident and technically speaking I am completely OK. I can walk, I have not run yet, but I will get there, I am back in classes, I do homework when my head is okay, but I can breathe. God protected me because I have something else to do, he sent me back and said, "I am not done with you yet."