Ever since I moved down to Georgia, things have been a bit rough. I was unemployed for a couple months, with no car, no money, no way to get home if I did some of the free things in the city. I had too much time on my hands, and could not feel anything other than anger.
Then I started working. I thought that getting out and earning a paycheck would, at the very least, keep my mind off that I wasn't where I wanted to be. I figured that, for the time being, getting out of the apartment and making money would at the very least curb any negative emotions I was having.
Boy, was I wrong.
I was working from five in the morning to two in the afternoon. With my inconsistent days off and early schedule, I was too exhausted to do what I wanted to do. I would end up sleeping most of the time and then doing the things that needed to get done.
My caffeine dependence reared its ugly head again. I became more and more irritable. I used to watch certain YouTube videos to laugh at the reactions to stupid stuff. Now I watch them to build up rage because that is the only emotion I can feel. My relationship became tenuous, and there were moments when we would start fighting and she kept blaming herself, saying that she should have done a few things differently and she didn't want me working where I was. I knew that to save what we have, I needed to do something fast. I needed something to change.
It finally happened.
I found a new job and had a sample shift. I felt that I could easily work there. I felt happy for the first time in a while. I thought it was a good fit, and I was hired on Monday. I put in my two weeks notice at my current job, and a 500-ton boulder has been lifted off my back.
I have gone back to laughing at the reaction videos. My smiles are real for the first time in who knows how long. I have been more affectionate and less distant (I may still have communication issues, but baby steps).
I know I won't be the first person to get in a shitty situation. Hell, this won't even be the first shitty situation I get into. But I did realize something:
When it hits the fan, don't be afraid to leave.
Do you hate your job? Find a new one, and plan your exit strategy. Are you in a toxic relationship? Break it off, and I mean completely break it off: no contact or anything. Struggling with school for whatever reason? Take a semester off. Make some money, travel a bit, take up a hobby, do whatever. When you have things figured out, you can go back.
You can only take care of others when your house is in order. To do that, you need to be in the right mindset, and having elements in your life that prevent you from being in that mindset makes it impossible to live your best life.
You have to dig through shit to get to any diamonds.
Well, I think I have found them. I haven't hit the mother load just yet, but I am definitely going i the right direction.
