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Politics and Activism

In Reality, President Trump Is An Okay Guy

Charting the campaign of America's most qualified man.

Tyler van Hoorn

Aug 27, 2015

Western Michigan University

In Reality, President Trump Is An Okay Guy

NY Daily News

Candidacy. [INSERT 2012 FLASHBACKS]. Trump is running for president under the Republican ticket! Well, actually, Trump was a registered Democrat during the Bush years, so his candidacy as a Republican really means—

Let's start by agreeing not to cover this guy, but let's cover the guy. Easy pickings. Why would anyone vote for him? Reasons!

He'll never win. He was never meant to win. Of course he can win. Surging in the polls! You know John McCain? That guy's a loser. Lightweight. Lightweight. Lightweight. Lightweight. Moron. Moron. Moron. Moron. Moron. Did I mention John McCain? Because John McCain is a loser. Wub a lub a dub dub. NOW LOOK AT ME WHILE I GIVE AWAY LINDSEY GRAHAM'S CELLPHONE NUMBER TEE HEE HEE.

Opinion! Trump believes Mexicans are rapists. Well, whatever, because he'll never win. Counter-opinion. Punditry goes on and on and on. Trump didn't really mean what he definitely meant. Some of my best friends are Mexicans. ANCHOR BABIES! Wants my stance on immigration? Whatever the shit riles up the white people. A vote for me is a vote for something, you'll just have to wait and see. Not a racist. Handles the #BlackLivesMatter movement with characteristic grace: "Our great African American President hasn't exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore." His competition in Jeb? "Jeb Bush has to like Mexican Illegals because of his wife."

#FEELTHEBERN

And somehow Clint Eastwood is involved in this thing. Well, whatever.

Them UKers yukking it up over there on their side of pond, but they gave a larger mandate to the human equivalent of a soggy broom mop, so what do they know? Europeans in general sneering, but then again, it's not like Europe's known for its long history of sensible leaders.

Here's a point. Counter-point. Counter to the counter-point. Whatever comes after that.

I predict Trump will self-implode now! Wait...now! Okay, wait a minute, definitely now! He's gonna implode, explode, turplode, episode. Now? Okay, what's going on here? How is this campaign still going?

We've been through this before...

Do you have a vagina? Well, hold onto it for a second because Trump is going to be his Trumpiest to it for you. How so? Well, just let the man explain for himself. "I will be so good to women." Still not convinced? Fuck you, vote for me.

And if you really need his credentials know that "I am really very smart." No, wait, scratch that. "Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest--and you all know it!" He's also rich, very rich. Somehow that makes him qualified.

But hey, don't blame me in 2016, I'm voting for Kodos.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Student Life

Things I Am Actually Going To Do This Semester

Or at least try to do.

University of Tennessee at Chattanooga

1024

CampusExplorer

New year, new semester, not the same old thing. This semester will be a semester to redeem all the mistakes made in the previous five months.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

Let's face it, last semester you woke up with enough time to brush your teeth and get to class and even then you were about 10 minutes late and rollin' in with some pretty unfortunate bed head. This semester we will set our alarms, wake up with time to get ready, and get to class on time!

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Student Life

The 5 Painfully True Stages Of Camping Out At The Library

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

Southwestern University

1601

woman reading a book while sitting on black leather 3-seat couch

Photo by Seven Shooter on Unsplash

And so it begins.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

Camping out at the library is not for the faint of heart. You need to go in as a warrior. You usually have brought supplies (laptop, chargers, and textbooks) and sustenance (water, snacks, and blanket/sweatpants) since the battle will be for an undetermined length of time. Perhaps it is one assignment or perhaps it's four. You are motivated and prepared; you don’t doubt the assignment(s) will take time, but you know it couldn’t be that long.

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library

Student Life

The 14 Stages Of The Last Week Of Class

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

Michigan State University

1057

Photo by Estée Janssens on Unsplash

December... it's full of finals, due dates, Mariah Carey, and the holidays. It's the worst time of the year, but the best because after finals, you get to not think about classes for a month and catch up on all the sleep you lost throughout the semester. But what's worse than finals week is the last week of classes, when all the due dates you've put off can no longer be put off anymore.

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Student Life

Top 20 Thoughts College Students Have During Finals

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

University of Vermont

261

Thanksgiving break is over and Christmas is just around the corner and that means, for most college students, one hellish thing — finals week. It's the one time of year in which the library becomes over populated and mental breakdowns are most frequent. There is no way to avoid it or a cure for the pain that it brings. All we can do is hunker down with our books, order some Dominos, and pray that it will all be over soon. Luckily, we are not alone in this suffering. To prove it, here are just a few of the many deranged thoughts that go through a college student's mind during finals week.

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Student Life

28 Daily Thoughts of College Students

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

Kennesaw State University

1676

group of people sitting on bench near trees duting daytime

Photo by Naassom Azevedo on Unsplash

I know every college student has daily thoughts throughout their day. Whether you're walking on campus or attending class, we always have thoughts running a mile a minute through our heads. We may be wondering why we even showed up to class because we'd rather be sleeping, or when the professor announces that we have a test and you have an immediate panic attack.

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daily life

Recommended for you

In Reality, President Trump Is An Okay Guy

Charting the campaign of America's most qualified man.

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Or at least try to do.

1. I will wake up (sorta) on time for class.

2. I will look decent for class.

3. I will go to the gym more.

4. I will go to the library and study more.

5. I will meet new people.

For those long nights that turn into mornings when the struggle is real.

1. Walk in motivated and ready to rock

2. Disappointed you let it get this bad

3. Distracted: When a 10-Minute Break Becomes an Hour

4. When the Yearning for Sleep Sneaks Up

5. In the words of Lorelai Gilmore "Coffee, Coffee, Coffee"

Oh, so done.

You need sleep, but also have 13 things due in the span of 4 days.

1. When it's December 1 and you have seven things due, three exams, and haven't slept in three days.

2. So you stress.

3. And cry.

4. Then call your mom to cry some more.

5. After the pep talk, you feel determined to get everything done.

6. But, now you're tired.

7. And really hungry.

8. Suddenly, it's 2 a.m. and you have only written three sentences and your paper is due in the morning.

9. You've made it to Friday... somehow.

10. Then Sunday hits and you find yourself back at the Lib.

11. So you cry some more.

12. But, you fight through the tears to get everything done because you're determined.

13. In the end, you feel on top of the world because you made it through the last week of class alive.

14. But, now it's finals week so good luck.

The ultimate list and gif guide to a college student's brain during finals.

What does the world outside the library look like?

Can I read this entire book tonight?

I should have gone to class more often.

Did the professor even teach this?

What is the lowest grade I can get on this exam and still pass the class?

Should I just drop out of school now?

Finals are ruining Christmas.

Just wrote three sentences so time for a break.

Need. More. Coffee.

What is sleep?

I'm too stupid for college.

Brain hurts.

Time for a Facebook Break.

I think I'm dying.

When will I ever need this information in the real world?

I can't read any of my notes.

I need my mom.

When was the last time I showered?

I need study snacks.

The struggle is so real right now.

"I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever else invented copy and paste. Thank you."

1. I'm so tired. I need a nap. Maybe I can sleep with my eyes open in class? Or pretend I'm not napping?

2. We have a test today? Why didn't anyone tell me? Did I know this?!

3. Can I quit school yet? It's only October, and I need a vacation.

4. The struggle is so real.

5. I'm so broke. SOS.

6. Stressed? Eat everything you own in your pantry and stuff your face with all your feelings.

7. "Did we have anything due in class today? Homework? Quiz? Test?" "Not that I know of..."

8. I need food. Where is the closest place to get food? I need it stat.

9. This is the longest day of my life. I need a drink, or two, or three.

10. Sleep? What is sleep? What a foreign concept.

11. When someone suggests going and studying in the library, let alone studying in general.

12. When the cafeteria or student center is packed and you can't find a seat anywhere so you literally have to sit in an abandoned corner.

13. When you see someone you used to hook up with. They see you, and approach you; so you have to pretend like everything is normal.

14. When you get your exam and realize you didn't study as much as you should have.

15. When you crush it on an exam or paper that you totally bullshitted.

16. I need a grande, extra strong coffee to get me through today.

17. When the professor announces you have a project due the following week with no instruction on what it's on and how to do it.

18. Is it Friday yet? Where's the weekend when you need it most?

19. It's freezing in here. I feel like I'm sitting in an igloo. I should have brought a jacket or worn long pants.

20. Did I remember my book? Damn, I forgot the book, and of course I need it for that quiz in class.

21. I would pay a million dollars to not go to class today; or actually never again.

22. I need a hoverboard to ride to class. Maybe then I wouldn't be running 15 minutes late to class every day.

23. Oh she/he's cute! I wonder if they're single. Who are they texting? They're BF/GF? I wonder if they think I'm cute. Could they be a potential new bae?

24. Why is there never any parking? I pay thousands of dollars a year for one parking spot to be open.

25. When it feels like you've been in class for an hour and you look at your phone and it has only been five minutes (I'm crying on the inside).

26. When the professor asks if there are any more questions at the end of class and someone raises their hand.

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