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Politics and Activism

In Reality, President Trump Is An Okay Guy

Charting the campaign of America's most qualified man.

Tyler van Hoorn

Aug 27, 2015

Western Michigan University

In Reality, President Trump Is An Okay Guy

NY Daily News

Candidacy. [INSERT 2012 FLASHBACKS]. Trump is running for president under the Republican ticket! Well, actually, Trump was a registered Democrat during the Bush years, so his candidacy as a Republican really means—

Let's start by agreeing not to cover this guy, but let's cover the guy. Easy pickings. Why would anyone vote for him? Reasons!

He'll never win. He was never meant to win. Of course he can win. Surging in the polls! You know John McCain? That guy's a loser. Lightweight. Lightweight. Lightweight. Lightweight. Moron. Moron. Moron. Moron. Moron. Did I mention John McCain? Because John McCain is a loser. Wub a lub a dub dub. NOW LOOK AT ME WHILE I GIVE AWAY LINDSEY GRAHAM'S CELLPHONE NUMBER TEE HEE HEE.

Opinion! Trump believes Mexicans are rapists. Well, whatever, because he'll never win. Counter-opinion. Punditry goes on and on and on. Trump didn't really mean what he definitely meant. Some of my best friends are Mexicans. ANCHOR BABIES! Wants my stance on immigration? Whatever the shit riles up the white people. A vote for me is a vote for something, you'll just have to wait and see. Not a racist. Handles the #BlackLivesMatter movement with characteristic grace: "Our great African American President hasn't exactly had a positive impact on the thugs who are so happily and openly destroying Baltimore." His competition in Jeb? "Jeb Bush has to like Mexican Illegals because of his wife."

#FEELTHEBERN

And somehow Clint Eastwood is involved in this thing. Well, whatever.

Them UKers yukking it up over there on their side of pond, but they gave a larger mandate to the human equivalent of a soggy broom mop, so what do they know? Europeans in general sneering, but then again, it's not like Europe's known for its long history of sensible leaders.

Here's a point. Counter-point. Counter to the counter-point. Whatever comes after that.

I predict Trump will self-implode now! Wait...now! Okay, wait a minute, definitely now! He's gonna implode, explode, turplode, episode. Now? Okay, what's going on here? How is this campaign still going?

We've been through this before...

Do you have a vagina? Well, hold onto it for a second because Trump is going to be his Trumpiest to it for you. How so? Well, just let the man explain for himself. "I will be so good to women." Still not convinced? Fuck you, vote for me.

And if you really need his credentials know that "I am really very smart." No, wait, scratch that. "Sorry losers and haters, but my I.Q. is one of the highest--and you all know it!" He's also rich, very rich. Somehow that makes him qualified.

But hey, don't blame me in 2016, I'm voting for Kodos.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

Adulting

8 Things That Anyone Who Went To A Small School Knows

Sometimes bigger isn't always better.

Essex County, NJ

173

blogspot

I went to a small high school, like 120-people-in-my-graduating-class small. It definitely had some good and some bad, and if you also went to a small high school, I’m sure you’ll relate to the things that I went through.

1. If something happens, everyone knows about it

Who hooked up with whom at the party? Yeah, heard about that an hour after it happened. You failed a test? Sorry, saw on Twitter last period. Facebook fight or, God forbid, real fight? It was on half the class’ Snapchat story half an hour ago. No matter what you do, someone will know about it.

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small high school

Student Life

12 Most Annoying Things About Working In Sales

No, I can't help you.

Oakland University

1567

Working with the public can be a job, in and of itself. Some people are just plain rude for no reason. But regardless of how your day is going, always having to be in the best of moods, or at least act like it... right?

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

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sales

Entertainment

11 Things That Happen When You Suffer From Resting B*tch Face

It's just my face, I swear.

Christopher Newport University

740

Hercampus.com

RBF, or resting b*tch face, is a serious condition that many people suffer from worldwide. Suffers are often bombarded with daily questions such as "Are you OK?" and "Why are you so mad?" If you have RBF, you've probably had numerous people tell you to "just smile!"

While this question trend can get annoying, there are a couple of pros to having RBF.

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rbf

Lifestyle

16 Things Blondes Are Tired Of Hearing

Please hold your blonde joke.

Rutgers University

624

Yify

Another day, another Elle Woods comment. Can’t us blondes get through the day without someone harping at us over the typical stereotypes about who we are? I never understood why a person was judged based upon the hair color they were born with, or the hair color they choose to have (unless you dye your hair blue like Kylie Jenner, I’m still trying to understand why that’s a trend). Nevertheless, as it should be assumed, not everyone is the same. Not all blondes like bright colors and Lilly Pulitzer, and not all blondes claim to identify with Marilyn Monroe. I think the best suggestion to give to people before they make such radical claims is to stop judging a book by its cover. Or in this case, stop judging a blonde by her hair color.

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blonde

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In Reality, President Trump Is An Okay Guy

Charting the campaign of America's most qualified man.

Subscribe to our Newsletter

Sometimes bigger isn't always better.

1. If something happens, everyone knows about it

2. Never getting to be invisible

3. Knowing every single thing about every single person in the town

4. New kids are a big deal

5. It’s hard to make new friends

6. On that note ... the dating pool is even smaller!

7. Teachers are weirdly close to their students

8. It forced you to make friends out of school

"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love"

1. That Time He Tested Out His Flirting Skills and This Happened

2. When He Was Willing to Do Anything to Avoid Confrontation

3. When He Couldn't Handle Awkward, Emotional Situations

4. How He Reacted Whenever His Friends Ignored Him

5. All of the Times He Worried About His Failing Love Life

6. Whenever He Tried to Whip Himself Into Shape

7. How He Handled New People and New Experiences

8. Whenever His Friends Got Annoying, He Was Always the Voice of Reason

9. He Always Knew How to Jam

10. He Finds a Way to Make Any Situation More Fun

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

Please hold your blonde joke.

1. "Is Elle Woods your spirit animal?"

2. "Is that your natural hair color?"

3. "Oh wow, you get good grades at school?"

4. "You must really like the color pink!"

5. "You’re probably not into sports, right?"

6. "You must have such a bubbly personality."

7. "Your wardrobe must consist of all things preppy."

8. "What sorority are you in?"

9. "You were probably a cheerleader in high school."

10. "You look like you’re from L.A. because your hair is so light."

11. "You definitely like Pumpkin Spiced Lattes from Starbucks!"

12. "Do you actually think blondes have more fun?"

13. "You must encompass the typical “white girl” stereotype."

14. "Is that daddy’s credit card you’re using?"

15. "So all of your friends are blonde too?"

16. "I’m surprised about you; I thought you would be a lot ditsier."

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