Ever have those days when you feel like you are standing all alone in a crowded room? Or how about those movie moments where you are standing still on the street and cars and people are zooming all around you.. but you aren't moving?
I feel like this has been my life all too well lately. I have settled back into my college routine in a state without my family and friends, and as I embark on my last year as an undergraduate student, I've never wanted to be "home" more.
For me, home is more than my tangible house. It is where I am truly seen and heard. Where I feel 100 percent myself and accepted. It is where I can laugh and be silly without any further questions. It just is. Home for me is sincerity and genuineness. It is direct alignment with my Heavenly Father and vulnerability that can only be achieved at "home".
In my life right now, "home" is nowhere to be found.
I have come to understand that this idea of a home will not fully be perceived until I am face to face with the one who created me, however, there are times when I have glimpsed a taste here on earth. With children who remind me that perspective is what life is really about, with the lyrics of a song, with people that begin to see past all the facade and earthly blinders, when my eye catches a spec of dust that you can only see in the best lighting. In those moments, I get just a taste of stillness and peace that doesn't come often.
This stillness is few and far between. It is rare and when I get to experience it, it is so important to take it in and hold on to it, because who knows when it will be back.
In other moments, the not so rare ones, I experience chaos and clutter. Nothing seems to go the way it was supposed to and I feel lonely. Numb. Invisible.
I've been learning about the attributes of the Father and the characteristics of His children and too often, they are not aligned. I am guilty of this. God is just and fair. He is jealous and holy. He is kind and generous and more often than not, I am the total opposite.
I have been trying to understand why that is and how to better myself to be more in line with him, and I find that I am my best self when I am "home".
Home, although the feeling is scare, is my favorite place to be. My goal in this season of my life is to find those things that help me get home. The people, places, songs... and when I find them, I want to run after them with every fiber of my being. I want to chase that feeling of shalom and hold on to it for as long as I can.
I challenge you to find out what is home for you, and pursue it passionately and don't stop until you are in direct alignment with the Father. That is where you will feel most at home.
