If there's one thing most people can agree on, it's that a romantic, happy ending is the best kind of ending. As a culture we're obsessed with engagement photos and "good morning, beautiful" text messages. Call me a crazy, embittered, single college student, but the last time I checked, there's so much more to life than finding someone to spend it with. When we tell our relatives and friends, "You'll meet the right one some day and then you'll settle right down into the best part of your life," we are essentially telling them that your existence cannot be validated until you find someone to spend it with. It puts a lot of pressure on young people, especially on those of us who are still struggling to figure out what it means to be mature. Commercializing "happily ever after" definitely has its place in our society, but here are some other messages we need to be publicizing.
You won't be in love forever.
And thank goodness for that. Of course, you should love your husband or wife forever, but that fluttery honeymoon period is just a small fraction of a full-blown relationship. To quote C.S. Lewis:
"Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing. There are many things below it, but there are also things above it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can last, principles can last, habits can last, but feelings come and go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next 50 years exactly as they felt the day before they were married,’ then it says what probably never was nor ever would be true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships? But, of course, ceasing to be ‘in love’ need not mean ceasing to love."
Think of all the friendships you lose when you engage in a new relationship. Think of how your heart beats so quickly all the time that you know your blood pressure is sky high. I agree with CS Lewis; no one could stand "being in love" for a lifetime.
Friends matter too.
There comes a time in your life when your partner becomes a person that you have an intimacy with that you have with no other human being. For some people, their husband or wife quickly becomes the single most important person in their life. But some people need to spend time going out with their friends. Some moms need to go spend weekends away from their children. It's different in every household.
For right now, college is college. Couples who only spend time with each other instead of spending some time with their friends often end up having drastic falling outs with their friends who feel neglected. In my last relationship, my boyfriend and I were exhausted after a couple of weeks. I was smack in the middle of a tough workplace situation, an even tougher family situation, and we were both full-time students and competitors with friends who needed to see us. Neither one of us could make the time commitment, and that was OK.
Singleness is a gift.
You can do so many things before you are married that you can't do in the same capacity after you are married. Once you are married, you take on the responsibility of serving your household. I want to serve God in singleness for as many years as he will let me. I don't care if I get married when I am 30, 50, 70 or never.
I am letting go of my affectionate feelings toward being in love.
