There has been a lot written to ladies on what kind of man to look for in a husband. There has been a lot written to men on what kind of man to be. Most often I see good or helpful advice, but I think there’s something both simpler and richer that bears repeating. Fall deeply in love with Jesus, get to know Him, and then you’ll know what to look for and what to be by instinct.

Elaboration is well and good, but there is a difference between book learning and experience. We know that all too well, it makes life plenty difficult for some of us entering the job market! I cannot help but feel that, without belittling the helpfulness or validity of lists, if we really need a list of qualities to tell us what a godly man is, we are ill-equipped to recognize one. Conversely, if we are focused more on a checklist than a portrait, how will we discern a Pharisee or false pilgrim from a follower? Or if real faith exists, we also must be discerning about maturity levels.

Many of us have heard the quote by Maya Angelou, “A woman's heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.” Ok, I’ll bite, that is true, but we misapply the quote when we make it a dating model. A guy who presses into God to get to know a girl is not ready to be her spiritual leader. For practical purposes, I would rather say that a lady can be so in love with Jesus that she will recognize Him in a mature Christian man. I would rather encourage men to follow Jesus wholeheartedly and with bold surrender; Christ in you is already in love with your bride.

As someone who has been in love with Jesus for nearly a decade, He has long been Lord of my heart, but I am pleasantly surprised of late to realize how much He has shaped my desires. I am in love with Him, plain and simple, and as such, He has become the standard. It is not enough that a man has godly character, though even that is more of a mystery the less we know Christ. No, I want a human, mortal man, a sinner like me, in whom Christ Himself is living. Yes, there are certain values and personality traits that I would prefer, but only when Christ is reigning in the man’s life. In a godly boy, you can recognize Christ-like character qualities. In a godly man, you can recognize Christ.

I want to recognize Christ in my husband. Sure, I want him to be kind, but Christians do not monopolize kindness. If Jesus is reigning in him, he will surely be kind, and so much more. The same goes for responsibility, honesty, integrity, courage, and any other godly, good-husband trait. Jesus is kind, responsible, honest, full of integrity and courageous. Yet Christ is much more than these things, and perhaps someone from a different worldview could attain such attributes better than your future husband. Who cares if there is a steering wheel and a mirror and comfortable seating in a car that has no engine, or no frame at all?

Yet most of us are not going around dating non-Christians, or even entirely fake Christians. Many Christian guys that come our way are genuine, and growing at some point of their faith journey. Praise God for that! Still, that is not enough to make a man marriage material for a lady in love with Christ. Can you recognize the person of Christ in him? Is Christ the LORD of his heart enough that his life is lived as Christ’s body on earth? Does he love people, all people, with Christ’s love?

Ladies and gentlemen, fix your eyes upon Jesus. Feast your gaze on Him, know Him intimately until you need no list (great fun as they are), and you are fooled by no counterfeit, and you will not be satisfied with spiritual infancy. Gentlemen, if you know Christ, you know what it is to be a man (and by the way, Jesus is the original gentleman). As you follow Him, just make sure He is living and reigning in you first of all. Ladies, if you know Christ, you know the core of your future husband already. But more than that, you know your True Husband—let Him romance you, and one day He can continue it through a man.

Gentlemen (and ladies), do people see Jesus in you? Is He running the show, and is His image coming through? Ladies, do you see Jesus in the men around you? Would you recognize Him easily if you did? Let’s fall in love with Jesus, more every day, and it will not be terribly difficult to romantically avoid false or immature Christians—without Christ, they hold little appeal. On the other hand, falling in love with the right one will not be so difficult when we already love the God dwelling inside them.

― C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory, and Other Addresses