You should probably know these things. This girl is has been a constant source of happiness, laughter and support in my life. In my eyes, she farts rainbows; I guess you could say I love her.

1. I know everything you said to her during the breakup.

Remember when you called her crazy? Yep, I know about that. The only thing I have to say is you're the crazy one for treating her like anything less than the amazing woman she is. **Bonus I also saw all the texts you sent her afterwards; no, you guys can't be friends**

2. I have definitely provided my very "qualified" opinion on your mental health.

To be honest, I've already called you a narcissistic jerk at least four times... probably more like twelve times though.

3. I won't be mean to you, but just know I will be posting passive aggressive tweets about you for at least two weeks.

I'm just petty like that sometimes. But the real reason I do that is because 1) I don't care to see you and 2) I don't have the balls to say it to your face.

4. We'll stuff our faces with food that is not the best for us.

We'll pig out, laugh about random things and remind her why she's doing better without you.

5. You messed up with someone who I wouldn't trade away for anything.

She is my other half and I just want you to know you missed out on a once in a lifetime girl.