I like being alone. I like reading alone. I like writing alone. I like to just lay down alone. It gives me a chance to think and set my mind free. I like to listen to music alone. I like to watch my favorite TV shows alone. However, when I see a girl with her boyfriend, a mother caring for her child or a friend laughing with her best friend, I realize that even though I like to be alone, I don’t like being lonely.
In high school, from the outside looking in, you would say that I had a solid group of friends. I had a group that I would eat lunch with daily, talk with, and occasionally hang out with after school. However, to my disappointment, these people weren’t really my friends but rather figurines that were placed in my life to allow it to smoothly continue. I was the girl in the friend group who would be left behind. The girl who would be kept on the shelf until I was convenient, rather than actually appreciated and loved. I would have to constantly initiate conversations and hanging out but even when initiated, I was left with turned backs and disregard. Now you would say, “Well if you’re being treated this way, why didn’t you find new friends?” It was harder than you think. I went to an all-girls school for middle school and high school. In my seven years at that school, cliques and friend groups were clearly defined and while you could become friends with other groups, you would never be able to become a part of that group. So I put up with being left behind, being used, etc. because I thought that being wanted, regardless of the reasons, was better than being completely alone. But now that I think about it, I think I was just as lonely around them as I was by myself. However, through this loneliness I gained strength and learned more about myself.
Recommended for you
People really underestimate the value of being alone. The importance of doing things on your own: the power of solitude.
I am an introvert. Contrary to what most people think, an introvert is not simply someone who is shy. Shyness has to do with apprehension, nervousness and anxiety. While an introvert may also be shy (like myself), introversion itself is not shyness. Basically, an introvert is a person who draws their energy from being alone and feels drained when spending time around others. At times, I find that after spending the day constantly engaging with people, I just don’t really have the energy to interact with people any more.
Despite my own introversion, it seems to me that everyone should take some time throughout the day for themselves. One year at college has taught me that there is no harder place to find time alone. It seems that there’s rarely a time to take a moment, to breath and to think during all of the craziness on campus. I’m pretty sure that school is designed to prevent you from feeling alone, particularly in your first year. There will always be some sort of party/mixer, sports event, club meeting or movie screening filling your calendars to keep you preoccupied and surrounded with people. Social media, in particular, coerces people into constantly engaging with others, even from opposite ends of the earth. There just simply isn’t any time or reason to be alone.
Jodie Foster explains this tension well:
“It's an interesting combination: Having a great fear of being alone, and having a desperate need for solitude and the solitary experience. That's always been a tug of war for me.”
-Jodie Foster
I find that I face this constant battle between being social and recharging on my own. The pressures to be constantly networking and connecting easily eclipse the importance of being alone. My first year of college in particular, I felt conflicted about whether I should go out with my friends or just stay in and binge-watch a TV show on Netflix. If I decide to stay in, I feel like I missed out on something. However, if I go out when I’m not really in the mood or I’m already tired, I completely close myself off from everyone and put myself in an even worse mood.
So amid the avalanche of emails asking for your attendance at this event and that event, take time to be alone. Go to a restaurant and eat dinner by yourself. Wake up early, savor the precious morning silence and walk to the top of a hill to watch the sunrise. Put your gadgets away and be uncontactable for a time–your friends will understand.
Being alone is okay. If you came to college to find yourself, it is key to find peace in solitude. I believe that you are the truest form of yourself when you are alone, therefore, the only way to really discover who you are is on your own.
