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My Imaginary Last Words

What would you want the world to know if you knew tomorrow wouldn't come?

Olivia Nemitz

Aug 02, 2016

Eau Claire, WI

Olivia Nemitz

I know it's kind of morbid to think about dying, but truthfully it's not something I can really hide from. And while I'm usually one to shy away when things get uncomfortable, I want to face this, because it's something that I've been thinking about lately:

If I were to die tomorrow, what would I want the world to know?

What kind of message would I want to give to my loved ones?

Just like everybody else, I am not perfect. I know that I have many things that I could apologize for because I have not fully lived my life without regret. I know that sometimes I say or do the wrong thing. Sometimes I get the chance to apologize and sometimes I don't because relationships become lost or damaged beyond repair. And sometimes I have the opportunity to say I'm sorry but I just really don't know how to say it. Such simple words can sometimes be the hardest ones to bring yourself to say.

So I guess that the main things that I would want people to know if today was my last day are "I'm sorry" and "I love you".

I'M SORRY

I'm sorry for the things I said that were out of line and the things that I left unsaid.

I'm sorry for anything said or done out of spite or anger.

I'm sorry for not always being able to express my feelings adequately.

I'm sorry for closing myself off to the people that I love most.

I'm sorry for being uncomfortable addressing problems and awkward situations and letting feelings fester or letting friendships fizzle out. I know that not all things are meant to last but there were times of poor communication and I blame myself for that.

I'm sorry for drawing out tension or fueling the flame in any way. This past year I've spent far too much time butting heads with the people that I love most in this world, and I wish that I could take it all back.

On that note...

I LOVE YOU

Please know that despite all the mistakes I make that push people away, I never have malicious intent. I would never want to cause pain because I know how bad it feels.

If I could do my life over again and do everything right, I would. But that's not a possibility, so just know that I'm doing all that I can to be better because I don't want to keep making the same mistakes.

Please know that I don't just throw "I love you" around. If I say that to you, I mean it.

I wouldn't be who I am today without you. You all know who you are. So many memories (good or bad) have other people attached to them. There have been lessons learned, tears cried, smiles shared and words spoken that have impacted me in ways you don't even realize.

I believe that the beauty in life comes from who you're with. People can make or break just about any situation. And things just don't quite feel right without the people who know you and love you despite every flaw you possess. So thank you to everyone who has overlooked my flaws and allowed me to be unapologetically myself.

I love you - more than all the words in the world can say.

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My Imaginary Last Words

What would you want the world to know if you knew tomorrow wouldn't come?

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#Adulting is hard.

1. Taking care of yourself when you're sick

2. Making a to-do list

3. Planning your activities around the weather

4. Scheduling your own doctor’s appointments

5. Getting your own toilet paper

6. Making food without needing to ask your mom questions

7. Holding your tongue

8. Saving your paycheck (or your tax refund) to pay your bills

9. Balancing your checkbook

10. Going places alone

11. Packing your own lunches

12. Actually eating your vegetables...on purpose

13. Taking a multivitamin

14. Planning a life after graduation

Sometimes bigger isn't always better.

1. If something happens, everyone knows about it

2. Never getting to be invisible

3. Knowing every single thing about every single person in the town

4. New kids are a big deal

5. It’s hard to make new friends

6. On that note ... the dating pool is even smaller!

7. Teachers are weirdly close to their students

8. It forced you to make friends out of school

"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love"

1. That Time He Tested Out His Flirting Skills and This Happened

2. When He Was Willing to Do Anything to Avoid Confrontation

3. When He Couldn't Handle Awkward, Emotional Situations

4. How He Reacted Whenever His Friends Ignored Him

5. All of the Times He Worried About His Failing Love Life

6. Whenever He Tried to Whip Himself Into Shape

7. How He Handled New People and New Experiences

8. Whenever His Friends Got Annoying, He Was Always the Voice of Reason

9. He Always Knew How to Jam

10. He Finds a Way to Make Any Situation More Fun

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

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