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Politics and Activism

The 'Friend Zone': The Imaginary Land We Shouldn't Believe In

Plain and simple, it doesn't exist.

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The 'Friend Zone': The Imaginary Land We Shouldn't Believe In
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Friend zone (noun).

1. Slang.A friendshipinwhichoneperson,typicallymale*,is romanticallyorsexuallyattractedtotheother,buttheattractionis notmutual.


I can't express my utter disbelief at the fact that this word is defined in the dictionary, let alone a phenomenon that people actually believe in. Am I at Hogwarts? Because I'm pretty sure I'm living in a different world. A world where it is socially acceptable to use emotional manipulation to get what you want. I don't know about you, but I refuse to feel guilty because I don't reciprocate someone's romantic feelings. Just because we are friends doesn't mean you are entitled to my affection.

What even makes the friend zone so toxic? Most people would say that it's harmless, but that's where they are wrong. The friend zone is nothing about friendship; it's about sex and entitlement. The friend zone narrative takes root in rape culture: it both resents and blames the other party for not consenting. This disrespects the non-consenter’s physical and emotional boundaries and contributes to a culture that normalizes this manipulation. A woman’s chance of being raped in the US is one in six, and approximately four out of five assaults are committed by someone that the victim knows. In fact, 47 percent of rapists are a friend or acquaintance.

The friend zone also perpetuates the idea that relationships are about transactions. A person simply being nice to someone they have feelings for does not automatically qualify them as deserving a chance at a romantic relationship. Being nice is something that is expected of any decent human being in any social interaction with another person, whether there are romantic undertones or not. We don't live in a fictional romantic movie where if a guy follows a girl around enough, she will eventually fall in love with him. Characters like those are not realistic. Human beings are more complex, and if they do not reciprocate their friends’ romantic feelings, they probably have a reason. Our responsibility is to respect those decisions, whether we agree with them or not, rather than using the friend zone as a scapegoat for our feelings of rejection.

*While the definition emphasizes that the "friend zone" is typically utilized by males, that's not always the case. Women mistreat good men and men mistreat good women. So regardless of your sex, gender identity or sexual preference, don't use emotional manipulation to get what you want. Try not being an asshole.

So everyone repeat after me: "the friend zone does not exist." Comprende?

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