Here's a little fact about me: I overthink things. A lot.

I'm the type of person who will check my phone multiple times waiting for someone to text back, even if that means waiting until 3 o'clock in the morning. I'm the type of person who tries to play it off by getting on Facebook and scrolling, just to see a notification on my timeline that reminds me that that person has seen my text and just isn't texting back. See, but even after I see that person is awake and actively using their phone, I still wait. It's little things like this that turn me into an irrational child demanding, "Why aren't you paying attention to me?" or, "What did I do wrong?" We've all been there, though. Right? Just me? Either way, that's not the point.

Another fact about me: I get attached to things veryeasily.

I refuse to throw things out just because I'm so attached to the memory that comes with it. Like, I'll keep those entry bracelets you get at the door of a bar or fair or whatever just because I want to remember that night. Good or bad. I'll refuse to let go of toxic people just because they carry memories, just like the bracelet.

Fact: I have zero chill.

I used to pride myself on being "the cool girl." I used to let things slide and just go with the flow. I used to be okay with everything. I used to be okay with long conversations coming to an abrupt halt because I wasn't invested in them anyway.

Here's the thing, though, I really don't know how to let go of things. I don't know how to just think a person doesn't want to talk. I don't know how to put up a front and pretend to be cool, calm, and collected because I'm disquiet, discomposed, and disarranged. I want people to text me back. I can't play the game of "let's pretend to be less interested" or "you took ten minutes to text back, so I'll wait eleven." I'm a big ball of sentiment and lack of chill. If I like someone, I'm going to explode and tell them, "Hey I think you're swell! I like you!" Maybe my lack of chill scares people off. Maybe my lack of chill isn't such a bad thing, though. Maybe lacking chill makes me crazy, but at least I'm up-front and you know what you're getting with me.