I gave all my oxygen to people that could breathe. I gave away my money and now we don’t even speak. I drove miles and miles, but would you do the same for me? Oh, honestly. Offered up my shoulder just for you to cry upon. Gave you constant shelter and a bed to keep you warm. They gave me the heartache and in return I gave a song. It goes on and on. - Ed Sheeran (Save Myself)
I’m so sick of putting others first. In every situation, I pretend that how I feel or how something effects me doesn’t matter. My first priority is the other person or people in the situation. As long as they are happy… I am happy? No. I am not always happy. In fact, most times I’m miserable.
I went an entire six months telling myself I was happy in a relationship that I was not happy in. When I was looking at college’s I applied to thirteen, ten of which were “recommendations” from other people that I had no interest in at all. In choosing a career path, I started my journey in a field just for job security. At work, I consider myself the “yes man.” There is nothing that comes across my desk that I say no to. I will go above and beyond just to please others. And ok, maybe it’s not the worst thing… but when it starts to effect you physically and mentally, it can become a problem.
When I was a little girl I remember being told that "sharing is caring" and to “always put others before yourself.” If I could update those sayings, I would make them "sharing is not always caring"… and "you should not always put others before yourself." It took me twenty-one years to realize that it’s okay to do things for yourself without having a positive effect on others lives. Sometimes it takes a good lesson to learn that not everyone deserves you at your best.
The most frustrating thing about giving your all to someone in any situation, is that they may not always appreciate what you have done for them. I’m not asking for a diamond ring or an all paid trip to Italy, but it would just be nice to be thanked and shown respect for whatever you have just done or accomplished.
The thing is, I know I am not the only one who feels this way. Every day I witness interactions between people that end horribly just because someone wasn’t appreciated for what they did for someone else. Time after time, it can eventually take a toll on someone. People begin to neglect themselves physically and mentally and it is unhealthy.
For a short period of time, I thought I was in the wrong. I thought that I was wrong for helping the person I did or showing them love when no one else was. I’ve had anxiety attacks because I assumed people didn’t care for me the way I cared for them. I have missed out on career opportunities because I was scared to make what I thought was a mistake twice.
And after it all, I can easily say I want to be done with putting others first. My happiness and health is more important than making sure I please everyone else even if it means tormenting myself in the process. And yet, all of the words I just expressed will probably all go to shit because I always choose to put others before myself… It’s just who I am.
