Growing up, I was surrounded by the same ideal dream. By this I mean getting married, settling down, and having those babies before the age of 25. I've heard so many girls say "I can't wait to be a young mom" and while I try to relate with this, I simply can't understand it. So much about those dreams bother me, and it's hard to see everyone so wrapped up on what the future holds that they never are able to enjoy the moment.
Lately it seems like people of all ages, genders, and sexualities are running around aimlessly looking for the storybook love of their life. People throw themselves out to the world without knowing who they are to begin with. They are scared of being alone, they hold on to this idea that they will not be able to survive without a partner by their side. They find this idea at such a young age that it's all they know, and they are never able to let go.
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I'm eighteen, and I have no idea what I want to do with my life. Just the other day my professor pointed out to our class that "we are in a time of uncertainty". This is the time in our lives to go out in the world, try new things, and take risks and hope to God they help us find our calling. We're not supposed to know what we want, and that's totally okay.
I do know marriage and relationships are not the plan, at least for a while.
While I believe starting a family is a wonderfully glorious endeavor that is worth every second, it has never been my dream. I have known for quite some time that I do not want to be tied down to commitment. I do not want to have kids before I have not had time to grow up myself. I am that rare person who hates hand holding because it flat out makes me uncomfortable. I don't spend every waking hour fantasizing about a relationship because it flat out makes me nervous. There is SO much more I want to do before I become tied down to commitment, I know I'm not ready.
I'm not saying relationships are a bad thing, they just aren't for everyone, especially me.
I want to make new friends and keep in touch with the old. I want to find a career I love and work as hard as I can to become successful. I want to travel the world in a sail boat I bought myself (this has been on my Life List for as long as I can remember). I want to make mistakes and try to fix them. I want to learn to love myself so I can love others even more as I navigate this beautiful world, and I want to do it on my own.
I probably sound selfish and naivebut that's totally fine. I've seen so many people roll their eyes in disbelief at my naivety. People tell me I'll change my mind because everybody wants to get married and have kids, that I will never be happy if I don't because that's the dream. Why would my dream be any different?
I don't believe in finding "the one", but if that person exists I will find them in good time, I'm not looking right now. I will keep exploring until I hopefully find my spark, my niche. I don't need to be tied down in a relationship to be happy, I'm content with this life of uncertainty I'm living. My life may be a mess, but it's a pretty wonderful life to live.
