There
will be weeks where you hear from me daily wanting to do something or
talk or anything. Then there will be weeks when I seem to disappear. I'm
not being a bad friend, you just don't get it. When I disappear, it's
not because I want to be rude, it's because my anxiety is acting up.
Chances are I'm probably home in bed, snuggled under the covers where I
feel the safest. That is my safe haven, where I control everything. When
I control everything, I don't feel as anxious. Needless to say it
probably isn't the best thing to do as an anxious person, but we get by
doing as we do. I don't mean to be rude by not calling or texting you,
and sometimes I feel all alone if I don't hear from you for awhile. The
phone works two ways, but I'm not a bad friend and neither are you. You
just don't get it.
So when I finally build up the courage to find some happiness in outsiders, please don't be rude when I send you a friendly text. Because that just makes it worse; it makes me want to crawl back in my seclusion. I'm not a bad friend, you just don't get it.
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Anxiety is not an attitude. No, I'm not being irrational when it's at its worst— it is a really illness that millions struggle with. We are normal in our own way; our brains never stop working; we analyze everything; during the happiest times, we are anticipating something bad; and it's hard. But we live a normal life and try to be good friends. Please understand sometimes we just keep to ourselves and need our space. But I'm not a bad friend. You just don't get it.
