For those of you who know me, I mean, really know me, you know that I'm extremely apologetic. I will say "I'm sorry" to people, or inanimate objects, probably more than I say any other phrase. If someone bumps into me in the hallway, I apologize. If I drop my mascara in the sink while putting on my makeup, I apologize. To the mascara. If I hurt someone's feelings, I apologize.
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I will say "sorry" more than I need to because I'm afraid if I don't apologize, I will come off as "bitchy" or that I'm not sorry for what I said or did to someone. I don't want to come off that way. Therefore, I apologize 5,467 times more than I should.
I've heard from people in my life that I don't need to be sorry for something and I don't need to apologize as much as I do. And yet, here I sit, typing away at why I apologize so much and why I will probably continue to apologize too much.
Back to my original example of walking down the hall and being bumped into. Of course, it's an accident, but the person still apologizes for bumping into me. Naturally, I would apologize for being in their way, knowing full well I wasn't and they are the one who bumped me. Since I'm trying to work on not apologizing for something unless it's my fault, I would probably say something to the effect of, "You're fine!" or "No worries!" and continue on my way.
If I can keep in mind that this is something I need to work on and know for next time when something happens, I can tell myself to pause and wait until the person apologizes, or doesn't apologize, before deciding how to respond accordingly.
I know the difference between what is my fault and someone else's fault, so why do I continue to apologize for other people's mistakes? I find myself saying "I'm sorry" when someone tells about something in their life they are struggling with, and when they ask, "Why are you apologizing, it's not your fault." or, "Why are you sorry?" and usually I follow with, "I know it's not my fault, I'm just apologizing for the circumstances." This works because I still apologize more than I should, and I am sorry they are going through whatever they are going through, but I still know that it's not my fault, obviously.
I am working hard to make sure I only say "I'm sorry" if something is my fault. If I am the one to blame for something that happened, then, and only then, will I allow myself to apologize. I need to find alternative words and phrases to say other than "I'm sorry" when something happens and I feel inclined to apologize for someone else's fault.
I hope this helps those of you who are like me and apologize too much. Maybe we'll learn to apologize less. Maybe.
