Jubilee is an MK who moved to Mongolia when she was four and lived there for nine years. You can check out her other article about MKs here.
Missionary Kids are often viewed as the embodiment of their parents' successful work in the mission field. They're open-minded, probably know at least two languages, involved in their parents' ministry and most importantly, highly adaptable.
This adaptability means that they're quick to pick up all kinds of cues--cultural, social, emotional, etc.--and adjust themselves accordingly in order to blend in. While it's an incredibly valuable skill, it also means that most MKs are experts in masking how they truly feel and hiding secrets, even though they shouldn't have to.
In my case, it was major depression.
My first depressive episode came when I was 12 and lasted for around three years.
There was a lengthy list of problems that piled up and eventually triggered it, but the two biggest ones were loneliness and a perceived responsibility to take care of myself, to be a perfect MK who is both independent and self-sufficient.
I had the mindset that my parents' ministry took precedence over my petty problems. They already had enough to worry about so I made sure that they wouldn't have to worry about me. Because of this belief, I put on a mask and tried to be a good role model.
I was actually quite successful, but pretending to be someone I wasn't came at the price of being emotionally, mentally, and spiritually exhausted on a daily basis. It was slowly letting cynicism and resentment fill in the empty spaces left behind.
When paired with an ongoing identity crisis and no healthy outlet for what I was feeling, it started a destructive cycle of problems building up inside, trying to fix them myself, and helplessly watching them collapse and rot before trying to build on top of the resulting mess.
It was a long time before I found a stable community with close friends, finally making everything recede to the back of my mind.
Like other mental illnesses though, major depression can't be completely cured; the symptoms can only be managed.
My depression still comes back when I'm emotionally vulnerable, but also when I least expect it. It either crashes into me with full force--like when culture shock finally caught up to me when I started college--or it slowly invades my day-to-day life when I struggle to get out of bed and find the motivation to live and learn.
Let me be clear. I'm not saying all this to evoke pity or to scare people away from the mission field. I'm saying this to make people uncomfortable and to bring awareness to an issue that's common among Missionary Kids--and by extension--Third Culture Kids.
Lois Bushong, a counselor who specializes in helping TCKs and is a TCK herself wrote,
We cannot ignore the fact that for those who grow up as TCKs, their lives are filled with chronic cycles of separation and loss. Obviously, such cycles are part of the experience for everyone. But for the globally mobile, the cycles are chronic and often relatively sudden and severe. They not only lose a friend here and there, they lose a whole world along with those they love. When these losses are not acknowledged it becomes unresolved grief. Grief that is not acknowledged and left to fester deep in the recesses of the soul becomes depression, anger or anxiety.
This isn't saying that all TCKs are guaranteed to fall into depression, but that the lives we lead do make us extremely susceptible to it.
In my case, it wasn't just my life as an MK that contributed to my depression, but also my introversion and a genetic predisposition towards depression from my dad's side of the family.
While I certainly didn't choose to be depressed--which is a gross misconception about depressed people--the odds were definitely stacked against me.
This doesn't mean I'm placing blame on any single thing for my depression. It's a disorder that can afflict anyone regardless of gender, race, socioeconomic status, etc. But the mission field is a high risk factor and precautions need to be taken.
Being a foreign missionary is hard because serving God is their work and their work is literally their life for the time they're on the mission field. But being a missionary family is harder because the work that's brought home at the end of the day--whether it's intentional or not--can and will trickle down to the kids.
It's a double-edged sword that needs to be handled more delicately. This can be as simple as filtering ministry talk in front of the kids, whether it's at the dinner table or at a team meeting.
By the time my depression hit, my head was full of knowledge concerning budget cuts, church conflicts, tensions within the mission field and more.
Had I not known these things, I probably would not have felt the need to grow up so fast. They were a burden I felt like I had to carry alongside my parents when it really wasn't.
It was my parents' job to be missionaries, and it was my job to be a kid, but I didn't understand that because it wasn't clearly said otherwise.
Despite this, and despite my depression, my life on the mission field is an invaluable part of my identity and I wouldn't be where I am now without my experiences. Through them, God has given me a perspective I wouldn't have gotten any other way, made me a better person, and brought people into my life that I can truly depend and rely on.
Even though I know I will continue to struggle, whether it's for days, weeks, or even months at a time, I have made and will continue to make a conscience choice to not be held back by regret and bitterness.
My depression does not define me, but it is a part of who I am, and I'm okay with that.
If you or someone you know is experiencing depression or any type of crisis, please know that you are not alone and that there are people who can help. Consider checking out the resources below:
-Mental Health Hotline Numbers
-Wings of Madness Depression Guide
-IMAlive Online Crisis Network
-NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness)
-7 Cups Online Therapy
