Last night, I was able to watch one of my best friend's beautifully directed production of "Proof" by David Auburn performed in our annual Senior Theatre Festival.
I don't want to give too much away about the show, so if you have the chance to see it, please, see it. If not, find the play and finish it in one day. It's seriously that good.
But as a little background to this article, "Proof" is about a woman whose level of academia and knowledge of math is questioned because she is a woman. Like I said, I saw "Proof" to support my best friend, knowing I would enjoy the show, but not knowing I would enjoy it this much.
When leaving the theatre, with the story and struggles of Catherine rattling my brain, a certain of anger and rage over the characters questioning her came over me. And as I drove home and the feeling had not subsided, I realized that it was not because I was angry that these characters had questioned Catherine. It was because I had realized just how often I and so many other women are questioned everyday.
A few weeks ago, I made a serious, "adult" decision about my future. It is something that I have been excited for for months and something that I have been thinking about and praying over and it is finally happening for me and I can barely contain my excitement for the future because of it.
Many people have been supportive of me through this time, congratulating me on my accomplishment and telling me how excited they are for me.
But there are always those few.
Some think I have made a terrible decision for my future, but there is a difference in the two groups of people.
Group one: the people who don't agree with it, but also want to be respectful to my decisions, because it is MY decision. I consider these people to be my friends with real concerns and real care. They ask me "do you think that this is the best decision for you and for your future?" and I will kindly reply with "yes, I do!" and they will respect my choices and let it go. Some may want to push back more, but I eventually ask them to respect my choices and they do.
Group two: the people who don't agree with it and for some reason think it is their mission to "save" me from myself and my decisions. These people will be downright rude and disrespectful and love to sit on their high horse and tear me down.
Now let's just clarify one thing real quick: this "big life decision" I have made, is truly not the biggest life decision I will make. I am not risking my life or the lives of others, I am not harming my mental health or the mental health of others, I am not harming my physical health or the physical health of others, and overall, this decision will impact ME and ME ALONE in the end, and I recognize that and accept that. Let's just say this, this decision I have made is NOT A BIG DEAL.
I have no issues with group one, but let's just talk about group two for a hot sec.
There is something that just really pisses me off about someone trying to "save me." Or trying to give me their opinion after I have been very clear that I don't want it, especially if it is about my life and my choices. I am happy, why should it impact you? In particular, I find that as a woman, this happens with men. As a young adult, I find that this also happens with parents. A man will try to tell me what I can and cannot do simply because they think they are the dominant and that they have some knowledge that I don't. Hey... guess what, that's usually not the case. A parent or a parent figure will try to tell me what I can and can't do because they had been doing that for 18 years prior. But once again, guess what, I'm now on my own and can deal with the benefits and consequences of my own decisions.
"Absolutely, no."
Two of the most basic words in the human language that together just really put me over the edge. Particularly when it comes from a man. Especially when it comes from a man who does not truly know me. Not just no, but absolutely, no. It's almost like you are telling me what to do.. oh wait, you are. It would be different if you said, "I don't think you should do that" but absolutely, no. Well, last time I checked, you have no right to tell me what I can and can't do.
Want to give me your opinion? That's great. We are all entitled to that and we are all given the rights to share those opinions openly. And most of the time, I am open to those opinions. If you really think I am making a bad choice, please tell me. Chances are, I might be. But there is a difference in asking someone if they think they are making a bad decision and telling someone that they are making a bad decision. I would like to say there is a fine line between the two, but sadly, that line is about a mile wide.
It is when it shifts from giving opinions to statements like "I can't believe you can't see how wrong you are right now" that it goes completely wrong. Really? You can't believe how I can't see that? I can't believe you can't see how untitled you are to an opinion of my life when I don't ask for it.
As I drove around the neighborhoods trying to calm my brain from it's moment of anger, I started to realize just how much of an issue this is. How often a man will say something to me that is supposed to "save me" or change my life forever.
Did you ever think that maybe I don't need saving? You make stupid decisions every day, why can't I? Well I guess that if you have another chance to show how macho and how great of a guy you are, you'll take it. And if I have a chance to show you how strong and independent I am, I'll take it, as I am doing here. It's pretty sad that we have to play this back and forth game of power, right? Sadly, society says you are the one with the power to end it, so end it.
They always say that art should make it you feel something. It should give you a flutter in your heart, put a pit in your stomach, or make you whole body shake and that is exactly what "Proof" did for me. Catherine's story and struggles gave me all of those feelings at once. I never realized how much the act of people questioning my choices and therefore my worth bugged me until I saw it being done to Catherine.
There is one line in the play that will stick with me forever. Catherine is speaking with her sister Claire and her father's student Hal about this notebook of a math proof that they found that Catherine has claimed to have written and solved. It is something that will change the field of mathematics forever and should not be taken lightly. When Catherine claims that she is the one who solved it, Claire and Hal don't believe her and believe it was the work of her recently deceased father, a famous mathematician. Catherine tells Claire and Hal, "I am a mathematician, too" reminding them that she as well can do math and that just because she is a woman, does not mean that she does not have the ability to solve this incredible proof.
So, I am a mathematician, too. I am a human, too. I too can make my own decisions and can ask for your opinions. I too can respectfully agree or disagree with your opinion and live my life the way I want to.
In the end, it is discovered that it is Catherine who has solved the proof. Many of the techniques used in the proof were too new for her father to use and Hal tells Catherine that he believes it is her's, only after he has two sets of mathematicians look at it. One might expect Catherine to respond with joy that Hal believes her and that the proof is actually her's. But Catherine's response is my favorite part of the entire play. She responds in disappointment that Hal and Claire did not trust and respect her in the first place. The play ends with Catherine walking Hal through the proof, rightfully showing him the amazing work she has completed.
"Come on Catherine, I'm trying to correct things." "You can't, do you hear me? You should have trusted me."
It's about time we all respect and trust each other's decisions.
Catherine may have been a woman, but that doesn't make her any less of a mathematician.
