We’ve all heard the saying “I’m figuring out who I am.” We all know that one person who “can’t find themselves.” Everyone is searching for “their place in the world.”

Recently, I stopped thinking that was a cliché. I just finished my first year of college and going into it, I thought I knew who I was and was pretty sure of myself, but I’m seeing, now, that I had things so wrong.

I knew where my life was going, what I wanted to do, how old I wanted to be when I was married, how many kids I wanted, etc… However, I sit here today with no plan. I am not lost, but I’m standing still. There aren’t just two paths in front of me, but several. Life is throwing me curveball after curveball, and I’m doing my best not to strike out.

I am someone who is obsessed with the little details of things. I don’t always know how to see the bigger picture and I tend to focus on the negatives of a situation. I’m a worrier and I get anxious over nothing. I do not encourage myself or believe that I can do anything, but rather beat myself up when I fail. These qualities have only gotten worse in the last few months.

Freshman year of college was hard on me and it made me question who I was. Ultimately, I tried to be who I thought I was instead of who I am supposed to be. I wasn’t in my Bible every day. I didn’t pray as often as I should have. In fact, I really only prayed when I needed something. I tried to do life on my own, my way.

That was a mistake.

Everything I did caused me to veer from the path that God had set rather than steer me in the right direction. I started to choose people that had me making bad choices, I quit going to church, I didn’t watch my mouth, and I felt myself turning into someone I didn’t recognize.

Being home, I got reconnected to my church and have found myself not having to force a smile. My laugh is genuine and I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time. I look forward to getting out of bed and facing the day instead of sleeping my life away because I’m too depressed to do anything.

This change in attitude has helped me realize that the root of who you are is God. You may be the tree with all the beautiful leaves and branches, but you would be nothing without the roots.