I did this to myself.

There's no other way to describe it. I'm a junior second semester engineer major. I loaded 21 credits, I decided to join a plethora of clubs and extracurricular activities, I started a daily workout routine every morning, and decided to revisit old hobbies that died over the years.

I started off so strong.

I was thriving. I was balancing everything on the tips of my fingers with ease. I was breathing my daily schedule and smiling more than ever. I was stressed, but it was a healthy sort of stress. I had yet to feel overwhelmed, and even if I was, I was taking everything a small step at a time. It wasn't so hard to think about. I was productive, I was happy, my mental health was at its peak, and I was feeling as strong and confident as ever.

And then coronavirus happened.

Suddenly, I was whisked from my groove and routine I had at my residence at Stony Brook, and forced into an environment at home that I haven't experienced in the past three years. I was forced to adjust to the constant noise from my younger relatives and having to tend to their needs constantly. I had to adjust with studying and doing work comfortably on my bed again (which... I still cannot do, as I am constantly falling asleep and not getting any work done). I had to adjust to the constant bickering from my parents about me being too lazy to do any of the household chores because I'm catching up on the schoolwork and sleep I missed due to taking care of my younger brother and my cousins, not including the constant interruptions I experience from my family during my online classes. I had to adjust to the lack of sunlight I'm receiving due to the paranoia of my parents, because stepping outside equates to instant death, and not just because of the rampant crime in my neighborhood. I had to adjust to the lack of stress relief from the inability to workout in my smaller home.

I'm at my wits end.

Three weeks. I have three weeks to pick up the slack in these circumstances, and as much as I want to breakdown and cry from the levels of stress I haven't felt in so long, I feel like I don't even have the time for that. I have so many reports and labs to write up, I have so many unfinished assignment after assignment that continually piles up the moment I decide to take a breather. Back at college, it seemed that I had so much time in the world, and I took advantage of it. I never thought I would say this, but I want to go back to school. I want this personal hell to end. I want my productivity and my clear mind back. I want to breathe.