Once upon a time I formed a picture perfect image in my head of exactly how I wanted my future to look. College, marriage, house, kids… the “typical” life dream. I thought I had begun to set myself up for those goals, and more importantly, I thought I wanted them.
The past year has been nothing but events and choices that shattered that image in my head, scattering the pieces in places where I can’t even find them anymore. To be truthful, I’m not completely heartbroken over that. I’ve grown to realize it’s okay to feel scattered, as long as I know how to reorganize. I’ve learned I don’t need a picture in order to create something beautiful. I decided change can be a good thing.
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Reorienting my mind to a place where I can focus on me in the moment rather than me in the future is becoming so increasingly important. I remind myself to meditate daily, try cooking new recipes, or maintain my weekly blog articles in order to keep the in the moment mindset. Simple tasks like this keep me from worrying about things out of my control. Creating new Spotify playlists, cleaning the apartment, going on walks, binging on Gilmore Girls… they’re all me things that provide a sense of self.
Aside from a means of distracting myself from trying to control the future, I like to focus on me in the moment as a way of getting to know myself. For example, rather than sitting in a room and staring at the floor in my downtime, like I interestingly enough find people doing far too often, I’ll search for purses on amazon to figure out what ones I like most. Maybe I’ll buy something, maybe I won’t. But the point is to almost create my own style, to know what I like and dislike. This goes for many things. I don’t think most people realize how little they know about themselves. I often find myself very indecisive at times, and learning to how understand me just a little better is a method I can use to reduce that quality.
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This brings me to another point… how can anyone find a quality relationship with another human without fully knowing oneself? Obviously, people change and grow over time, which can be done together in the right relationship. But it’s nearly impossible to begin something durable and interesting without feeling confident and comfortable with yourself first.
For all those seeking and searching for something… just stop and focus on yourself in the moment. Improve the quality of life for yourself by knowing and loving who you are. Rant over.
