Most people that know me even a little know that I have some kind of relationship with Jesus. I definitely don’t hide that fact that I am a Christian. I’ve been called bible thumper, Jesus freak, that Christian girl and the list goes on. Now praise the good Lord that these are things that people decide to call me. It does not hurt or offend me. I simply understand that, although I try not to force it on people, I am very flamboyant about my faith. I very much wear it on my sleeve. So people know that about me, and from that they infer some things: that I somehow have it all together. People assume that because I seem to be tight with the Big Man upstairs that the whole Christian things come easily to me. Sometimes I think they just assume the Devil steers clear of me.

Having a relationship with Jesus doesn’t inversely affect the difficulty of withstanding temptation or the likelihood of bad things happening. And sometimes I think this is how we advertise Christianity. “Come to Jesus. It’s all sunshine and rainbows over here.” I’ll be the first to tell you that that’s not how it works. Life is really crappy sometimes. I vividly remember times sitting alone in my bedroom, screaming at God, tears streaming down my face as I question “Where are you? Why would you abandon me?” I remember sobbing to my best friend explaining my struggle with lust asking “Why would God still want to pursue me anymore? I keep failing Him.” There is a constant battle going on inside myself. Sometimes the idea of throwing in the towel and doing things on my own seems so desirable. Sometimes I want to just give in to the temptation, and sometimes I do. Sometimes the temptation is so strong, and I am so humanly weak. I fail. I struggle. I do not have it all together.

I am not alone in this. All Christians have some kind of struggle or some kind of sin; however, for some reason, we’re also really good at hiding that. We like to put on this show. “See I’m reading my bible, and going to church every Sunday, and I’m involved with campus ministry, and I pray before every meal. Let’s talk about that stuff.” All that stuff is awesome, but where is it getting us? Jesus didn't come to earth and talk with all the successful people about the good things they were doing. He talked with the sinners...about their sin, so why don’t we talk about our sin? Why do we hide it? Well, that’s a pretty easy answer, I think. We are human. Society has conditioned us to keep our baggage to ourselves. No one wants to deal with our crap. As for the church, it has taught us that we will be judged or considered less if we are more sinful. I don’t know about you, but as a Christian, I’m fed up with all of it. I’m a sinner, and I’m completely tired of acting like I’m not. The church should be a place where people come for comfort, support, and love. Not to be criticized, judged, or demeaned. I want to break the intimidating stigma of the church. I want to break the stereotype that the church is a place for the healthy. The church is supposed to be a hospital for the broken. I want to share our sins within the church to be the norm. How else are we going to grow? If we keep putting on these masks of perfection, how are we going to address the sin that is keeping us from our relationship with God, and how are we going to create genuine relationships with anyone? I’m tired of people thinking I have it all together. I’m sick of people thinking the church has it all together.

I am a sinner. I am a sinner, and I am very aware of that. The devil does not avoid me. I do not scare the devil. He knows my weaknesses and he feeds on them. He attempts to destroy me. He does everything in his power to steal me from the Kingdom. He makes it so desirable. He places temptation in front of me, just asking me to bite. Being a Christian is not rainbows and sunshine. It is hard. It is a sacrifice. It is a commitment, but it is worth it, and we don’t have to do it alone. We are able to be vulnerable with each other. We have other people who we can lean on for support. This is why God gave us a community. So let’s stop acting like we have it all together, OK? Let’s be real with each other. Let’s rely on each other. Let’s break down to each other. Let’s do Christianity together in the way it was intended. I’m a Christian who is taking off her mask and living my broken life out for the world to see; the God, the sin and the ugly.