Living in a hookup-prioritizing generation doesn't help at all with me being a hopeless romantic. The mix of hookup culture and doing on dating apps and expecting guys to slide into my Insta DMs does not help with looking for my other half.
I want in-person contact, I want somebody that can sweep me off my feet. I want to have deep talks. I want them to love who I am, not just love the fact that I will stay with them — I will leave if someone takes me for granted and doesn't care about the consequences. Unfortunately, I do give people multiple chances because I believe in making mistakes and learning from them as long as love is forever set in stone in the background. I believe in fixing things if both people are willing to try for each other. I will fight endlessly for the person that I believe can change.
But regardless, I am proud of who I am. Because waiting and committing will be worth it in the end, especially if I find the perfect Prince Charming. Even if he doesn't exist, the right type of love can mold him. And don't paint me as some sort of commitment-phobe, I don't just settle for anyone. There has to be some sort of connection, and I don't just stay for casual relationships. If there's no chase and ambition in a guy's willingness to engage with me, there's no future in it for us.
If after a few dates the potential date wants to seal the deal, I'm not one for it. Personally, I don't believe in showing myself to the guy that soon. I prefer him fighting for the chance to be with me, fighting for me as a person and loving my soul rather than my body. I value that emotional and spiritual connection, much more than the physical connection that most people tend to believe in and prefer.
The physical stuff and affection all come later. That stuff will be natural when the emotional foundation is established. There's no point to rush it — there's still so much time to create that attachment.
I love being touched and cherished. It's all about the actions. In college, I've come across a lot of guys that expected I owe them something, even though they hadn't done much for me. They hadn't come up with date ideas, it was me doing the chasing. They weren't straightforward and mind games were all they had built for themselves. I need someone that is assertive, ambitious, and will woo the one person he will love and vow to commit to.
I love genuineness. It's the thought that counts. It's the effort that counts. It's the fact that sex is not all the guy wants. I know we're all human and we crave the connection and the support that we need from that significant other. We want to find the best friend that will love us unconditionally. And because we are so desperate in wanting that, we resort to having that through the means of physical displays of affection, even though we know deep down that it still isn't enough.
Honestly, I discovered myself being a hopeless romantic when I fell in love, deeply, for the first time. I didn't prioritize physical affection — I prioritized the date planning, the creative direction the relationship went towards, the type of connection that happened between my SO and I.
Yes, I am 20. Yes, I am young. It is too much for me to settle, but growing up in a loveless family has pushed me to find that love I solely crave, and I don't care what anyone else thinks. I believe in realism. I believe in fairy tales, just not the Disney ones.
I believe in fighting for the one that I will eventually love and crave every single day.
I'm not that attractive, and that's a fact. So I can't woo people with my looks. But in this superficial society in which guys take first impressions as a personality trait, I can only wish that the right guy can see my soul first and recognize that I am the one they've been searching for. And vice versa. See, I don't go looking for cute guys with awesome personalities, I love souls. Because looks fade but who people are will stay with you forever.
I never saw the love my parents should have given each other. I never saw the public displays of affection, and because of that, I vowed to find someone whom I would love endlessly and who is willing to give me all that love I've never witnessed firsthand. I want my future kids to see that love does exist, especially if they go through something that convinces them otherwise. They will have their parents, and that type of love can never disappear.