Even though females outnumber men, the majority of females do not understand a single thing about fantasy football. Over the years, I have gained knowledge on the topic and easily pushed it out of my memory. After talking to a few of my guy friends, I freshened up on my knowledge and learned so much new information about fantasy football (sarcastic yippee!)
Last week was the first week of fantasy football. Honestly, I will watch any game that is on and get excited when my favorite team is on. I go to games and cheer like a wild fan. I know what’s going on during the game. But we all know the best part of the season is the Super Bowl, so when it comes to fantasy football I am clueless. #beginflawlessrant
Every game is important.
“The game is on!” means: “I’m not responding all of Sunday and Monday night.” Oh you’re sorry you can’t answer my text while watching the game? Ladies, get used to it: we have come second to sports, video games, and bros for all of our lives. Usually the guy makes an excuse that it is his only time to hang with the guys and relax.
How many drafts are there?!
It just looks like a bunch of guys drinking beer while on their laptops sitting around a whiteboard. They are basically required to sit through the entire draft while stressing over their picks, but to us, it just looks like a normal bro session to take a break from Netflix and chill time.
Do you judge the players on their ability to play football or how hot their wives are?
Picking players to draft is no joke and should not be taken lightly. The amount of time we take showering, putting makeup on, doing our hair, and getting dressed is probably the same amount of time a guy will take out of the day to research players.
So you can be in different leagues?
Most guys are in 3 leagues maximum. This is why guys can never remember girls that they have hooked up with, they are too busy remembering what players they have in each league!
You’re spending how much?
You could have spent that on a cute jersey for me! Some leagues can have buy-in’s up to $100! Overall, about $100-$150 is spent in one year on Fantasy Football. So it is basically girls getting their nails done…but for a month or two…
Their roster is their baby.
The roster is probably more important than the girls they think about hooking up with that weekend. They probably check their players statuses before they check their mom’s text messages in the morning.
So how do you win?
Before the ESPN Fantasy Football app did guys have to do the math to calculate their own points? Everything counts as points so for me I would reward 100 points to Eric Decker…for being Eric Decker.
The competition is brutal.
Group chats change from “let’s get Chipotle” to “I’m kicking your ass this week.” (That’s the PG version). The smack talking consists of every curse word in the books, memes, gifs, and screenshots of points. No one is truly your friend during the season.
Playoffs – The Final Countdown
Going into the playoffs can go one of two ways. Similar to not showing up to class or taking notes and going to the final hungover or going to every class and outlining ever chapter then acing the final. Either way you tried your best and there is always next year!
Championship – All or Nothing
All these weeks have lead up to this final week, you get your man’s attention back (for the most part) and have to only watch a few games until the Super Bowl. All the hard work, blood, sweat, and tears ends today and will be over in no time.
Then you get the trophy and money.
Win or lose the championship players end the week with respect for each other, and money from everyone.
Celebratory end zone dance!
So you get the money and trophy so you can leave as quickly as possible and say cya next year boys!
Finally Super Bowl Sunday!
This is when us girls want to have big parties with food and drinks so we can dress up in cute jerseys (that the guy didn't pay for). We even make all the guys watch the half time show and use coasters on the coffee table. Afterwards, the boyfriend of the hostess usually has to clean up because the girlfriend is tired from “hostessing.” Can't wait for next season!
