At a tough part of my life, you walked out. You closed the door, locked it with your key, and just kept rolling along the beaten path. Just like clockwork, it always happens at the tough times.
I am not one for
grudges, nor am I plotting a schemed revenge to make you feel just
how bad I'm hurting. I am not one to wish bad on you or hope you are
miserable. I am not like that at all.
You left without a hint of notice or timely 'goodbye.' It was like as fast as it started, I had already let you slip away. It's a whirlwind that, sadly, I am used to by now.
And I'll live without you.
I'll live without you just fine.
There is a lot
happening in life. People are moving. People are dying. People are
being born. Buildings are being created, sidewalks are cemented and
vehicles keep changing. Lives are changing. In fact, I am changing.
Changing into a better me with a brighter tomorrow knowing I had
some sort of time with you.
Short timing, but
I learned a lot from you. I learned a lot about myself. In a few
shorts weeks, I became weak again, wanting to please you anyway I
could. I was not that strong girl I knew before New Year's. Although
still there, she would step aside to let her heart win. I was
scared, fearing the inevitable I held in my heart. But she let my
heart soar anyway for even just a little while.
I love that girl
for letting me do this, for showing me again what it is to care for
someone so quickly and truly. I thought I lost this part of me
somewhere between rejection and abandonment. I wasn't quite sure
where this part of me existed anymore.
With a smile, you
brought it out. You brought her out to play, to dance and to
adventure once more. My wings were spread with a heart on my sleeve.
My walls are
breakable, I know that now. What I also know is that these walls
won't just come down for anyone. They came down for you, and may be
in shambles right now, but they'll be built back up for me to guard
myself until the real thing. A lot of people can get caught in the
comfortableness of it, settling for the first they get.
Because of you, I
know what not to do. I know that my walls are special, and that I am
capable of breaking them down myself. I choose when they stay up,
and who to let in. Although you were only a visitor, you made it
feel amazing to know what feeling something for a person is like
again.
I don't hate you.
I could never hate you.
Thank you for showing me what it feels like to care about someone once again.
