"But I'll let you go, if that's what you want
But I hope you know my love won't stop
You say it's not true and you call me a fool
But call out my name, I'll run to you."
Lacey Sturm, Run to You
So often in life we go through hard days, hard weeks—sometimes hard years. Every so often, we feel as if we are suffocating. Or drowning. Then, sometimes, we feel like our lives are just days and days of waiting—as if we are wasting away in anticipation for things to improve.
Sometimes we feel as if we are waiting for someone or something big to happen to us, so that we can be complete. We feel lonely or inadequate. Very often, when this happens, we dive into something harmful. It could be a relationship, a pattern of thinking, or a habit.
I’m going to be vulnerable in faith that this will encourage or possible even change someone’s life, through the power of God. This semester has been extremely difficult for me. It has been full of people walking in and out of my life, as if it’s no big deal. It has displayed rumors and things from years ago coming back up and trying to hurt me. It has been plagued with some fear and some longing for something more. Through all of this, I think that the most prevalent thing has been understanding healthy and unhealthy relationships. Learning what love is, what it looks like, and how to implement it in my life. Love is free.
I talk about love so much because it is laced through every circumstance of my life. I believe in love. I believe in the power to choose love. I believe in loving people, even when it’s hard. I believe that God has given me a special love with my family. I believe He has placed a special love for others within me. The reason I’m so convinced of this is because of my natural instincts and feelings towards others. When I meet someone, I immediately become invested in them. I genuinely care about their hearts and am interested in their physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. I try to show that the best that I can, even though I will never be perfect. I want to be friends with everyone, talk to everyone, and try to share the love that God has put within me with everyone. This is a good thing and I know that God has a lot planned for the people that I come across. But, most of the time, this is a hard way to live. In reality, not everyone is going to reciprocate. Which is completely okay, and that is the point of love.
People have the freedom to choose. When someone makes a choice, they deserve to be respected. No means no, and yes means yes. Love does not manipulate people to change their no to a yes. It does not trap people, it does not suffocate people, it does not threaten people, it does not cling to people when they do not want to be clung to. Love is free. It lets go, it gives respect, and it honors your freedom.
When you love someone, this is what it looks like. And when someone truly loves you, this is what will happen. Emotional blackmail is not what love is. Not being able to freely speak is not what love is. Not being able to exercise personal freedom prohibits love and happiness.
Boundaries are the most important thing each individual person must set in order to have healthy relationships in their lives. Take a moment and think about it. There are so many things that can be prevented or positively taken care of in our lives if we set our boundaries and stuck to them. “I will not speak about this…I will not let them do this to me…I will not say yes to this.” Things like these are more than helpful in everyday life. It shapes your relationships. When you set boundaries, you use your power in a healthy way to demand respect. Also, when you set your boundaries, it makes it easier to recognize when someone is not showing you the love and respect necessary in all relationships. When this happens, it is okay to walk away. It is okay to show yourself the respect others are not showing you. When you walk away, it can hurt. People can get angry. It won’t be easy to stay where you need to be. It is okay to keep loving someone but not allow them to have control over you. You are able to pursue your freedom and allow the other person to do the same.
Why am I saying all of this? I do not think that many people know this, or recognize it in their own lives. We do not realize when it is okay to leave and when it is okay to say no. So many people are scared to say no. So many people are want to be “nice” and want to appease others. Being nice should not be the goal: being good should be the goal. What I mean by that is having integrity and character is what counts. To do that, you do not need to please other people by allowing them to do whatever they want to you. You have the power to say no and you have the power to change your life. The way others perceive and treat you will come directly from how you perceive and treat yourself. If you demand respect and hold your head up high, respect will be given to you. If respect is still not given to you, it is okay to leave and never look back. That does not make you unloving, it makes you wise. The thing is that if you do that, they will realize there is an issue and they will understand that it takes two to be in a healthy relationship.
Without these values set in place, it is not easy to lead a healthy and joyful life. Feeling trapped and unable to breathe is not how we were meant to live life.
