It might be hard for you to understand what someone is going through, or has gone through, if they are or were in an abusive relationship. So here's a list of things that you might not know if you haven’t had this experience. And if you have, I'm sorry, but I hope you can see that you've overcome so much.
1. It's not always physical.
The abusive relationship I was in was strictly mental and verbal. I was screamed at a lot for doing things that aren’t that bad, and was told who I could talk to and hang out with and when. He never hit me. You hear the words “abusive relationship” and you might automatically picture a woman with bruises and cuts all over her body. Sure, that's abuse, and it’s terrible and should be stopped. But it’s not always like that. Mental and verbal abuse is a very prevalent type of abuse, and it’s not any less painful.
Recommended for you
2. It doesn't always start out abusive.
I saw something on Facebook last week about abusive relationships that said, “if the shower is piping hot when you get in, you’ll get right out. But if it’s a bit warm when you get in and is slowly turned up, you won’t notice as much and will stay in there while it’s really hot…and that’s an abusive relationship.” It progresses over time until it’s at a point where you snap out of it and realize you need to leave.
3. It seems normal to you.
You get used to getting yelled at,
and screenshotting your text messages to show him that no, you weren’t flirting
with another guy. You think this is just how your relationship is. Everyone
fights, right? Nothing is out of the ordinary, and this is just how your relationship works.
4. You can't "just leave."
That seems like the easy solution, but there’s
usually something more. There could be threats if you break up with them, such
as, “If you leave me, I’m going to kill myself,” or, “If you break up with me,
I’m going to spread a ton of nasty rumors about you.” You get scared. It
doesn’t seem like there’s any sort of a way out. You’re stuck.
5. You might not even see what's happening as abuse, because the person claims to love you and be your best friend.
It’s confusing. Why would someone who loves you abuse
you? They wouldn’t, right? Wrong. They might use your love for them as a crutch
and manipulate you with it. Who knows if they actually love you?
6. It's a way to realize that someone might need help.
In my experience, the abuser ended up having bipolar disorder. By me leaving him and the event that happened after I did, his family was able to finally realize that something was very wrong and got him some help. Today, I don't speak to him anymore, but from what I’ve heard and seen on social media, he's doing much better. This might be an opportunity to really help the abuser, even if they have done something serious to you.
7. You live with the fear of it happening again.
I always think that if I do or say one little thing wrong, my boyfriend will break up with me. This is because of the traumatic memories of getting broken up with every other week. I know my current boyfriend would never treat me the way my abuser did, but you just can’t help but have it in your head. I wouldn’t say it’s PTSD, because it’s not, but it’s definitely something like that. It’s just always in the back of my head that it could happen again.
