I recently had a conversation with someone who I haven't talked to in a very long time. I care about them and I value their opinion, so it hurt me a little when they said that I'd changed since we'd last spoken and that they didn't know who I was anymore.

So if you're wondering who I am, let me try to find the words to tell you.

I am a paradoxical work of art. I love sitting in the bed of a run-down pickup truck in the middle of a field in the country and being able to see the stars twinkle at night. But I also love the city and busy streets where the air is so thick and full of life that you can't see the stars and no amount of WiFi can change it. I love summer and the warmth of the sun on my skin while I'm tanning on some beach in Florida with no makeup and no worries. But I also love fall and wearing flannels and boots and watching the leaves change colors. I prefer sunny days but I enjoy rainy days too because nothing is cozier than sitting under a mound of blankets with a good book in your lap. I want to make people happy, but yet I can barely do that for myself.

I'm an insanely complicated person. Everything about me is contradicted by another aspect of who I am and that is why some people have such a difficult time trying to figure me out.

I am a hopeless romantic and I believe in fairy tale endings and soulmates and it is because of this that I find myself getting hurt over and over again. I like to see the best in everyone and there are times when I get taken advantage of for it. Despite the heartache of breakups and all the negative things that have happened to me so far, I still try to stay positive through it all. I like to think that I'll end up wherever I'm meant to be with whoever is meant to be in my life.

My definition of love is not complicated. I know there are so many different shades of gray in between the black and white, but I like to think of it in terms of something that is easy. If you love someone, you should be with them and if you can't be with them then they at least deserve to know you love them. Life is too short to live in the uncertainty of unrequited love. It is better to be open with how you feel and be shut down than to live your life alone in the dark with your feelings.

When you love someone, you accept them for who they are. That includes their flaws and the mistakes that they've made in the past. You accept them because these flaws and mistakes have helped shape them into the person that they are. The mistakes that I have made are the reason I have this positive attitude today. I've learned that begging someone to love me and begging someone to stay with me when all they want to do is leave doesn't benefit anyone. I've learned the value of my worth and I've learned to love myself before I let anyone else love me and it is because of this that I don't beg anymore. If someone cannot love me the way that I want to be loved or they don't want to stick around to fight for what we have, then there is someone else out there who will.

I love twinkle lights and rose gold and girly things like makeup and baby pink pillows. But I also like Stephen King novels, wearing the color black, and action-packed video games. I like slow country music and then I like rap music with lyrics that would make my grandmother blush. I'm terrified of airplanes but I want to leave this town and travel the globe. I want to see the mountains and I want to see beaches and all the seven wonders of the world. I am not highly religious but I pray and I have faith that there is an ultimate plan for me and I keep that faith when things aren't going the way that I'd like them to.

I like to believe that I radiate confidence and beauty and that I'm strong in every situation, but I know that's not true. I have insecurities brought about by social media and other things and I get jealous just as easily as the next person. I'm a loyal person when I'm dating and in friendships too. There will never be a time where I'll shoot someone down or avoid them when they say they need me. I know how hard life can be and I know what it's like to be alone.

Nothing about me is simple and if you try to judge me based on my music playlists or the things I tweet online then you're going to end up disappointed in what you find. I am a mess and a lot of my personality negates other bits and pieces of who I am. I am a living and breathing paradox of emotions and beliefs.

But I'm fun and I'm interesting and this paradox of personality is what makes me a masterpiece. It's who I am.