I'm sure that many of you have heard of the saying

"If you're not first you're last."

I grew up being a middle child and even thought of as second choice to friends while growing up. Need less to say because of this I have unintentionally made every aspect of my life a secret competition. From simple things like grades and being well-liked to irrational things like trying to win at Christmas gift giving. I was always the one to fall short and come second to everything but that fueled the competitiveness. Growing up this competitive backbone has kept me on a positive path but I have now realized this competitive streak has taken a tole on my friendships and relationships.

So the Story begins....

I have been in a relationship for a little under a year, and yesterday it took an unexpected dive into dark and very deep waters. The guy is amazing, he's smart, driven, and kind. He recently got into an amazing graduate school that takes him half way around the world. On the other side of the spectrum, I am a girl without a plan post graduation, so seeing him thrive has made me feel like I am in a competition and I have already lost. This is where the sore loser comes in.

After finding out the news, don't get me wrong, I bragged to him to everyone. I told everyone around me about how proud I was and excited I was. I told everyone except for him. I picked on him and got mad at him to make myself feel better. I even rejected him help just so I could win on my own without him being on my team and sharing the sucess.

Talk about a Bully....

That was not even the worst part, I made our relationship my own competition. I realized I was pushing him away as much as possible in order to see how far I could push him before he could not longer be with me. It was a sick game for a small stamp of approval of his love. Let me tell you....He won for awhile but no one can last forever.

In case you skipped the whole story... here is the

MORAL OF THE STORY:

Being competitive can be a great thing but when it comes to relationships that should never be the case. If you are in a relationship chances are you have already come in first place in their eyes. Granted this is a huge huge part of a relationship, its not the most important. If you don't come first for yourself and believe you have to compete with every single person, that can build and build until those who already on your side, can no longer watch you throw it all away over being petty.

So in a turn of events....

"If you're not first, you're last."

Has taken a new meaning into always being first to yourself, because if you're not that is where the true loss is. It affects no one but yourself.