In 2013, my brother Will committed suicide, and this is something I think about daily. I am 100% sure before he decided to do this, he did not google “reasons I shouldn’t kill myself.” I know this article might not make it into the hands of those who need to see it, but if it could just make it to one person who needs to read it, it will be worth all the dark thoughts I am revisiting to write it. I felt compelled to be slightly vulnerable and write about this topic, because all week I have seen it in the lives of those around me. A mother and a wife, age 37, took her life this week. A student, a friend, and someone’s daughter attempted suicide, and many others contemplate it. I just want to touch on some points which you do not consider when you are contemplating suicide and give you my experience to relate these points to.

This decision is final. I know that seems obvious, but hear me out. You cannot come back to apologize, you cannot see the world changing for the better, and you cannot contribute to the world becoming better. Think about the dreams you have had up until now. Did you want to start a family of your own? Was there a dream job you wanted to land? A sport you absolutely love to play? If you are still breathing, you are still here for a reason; you are still serving a purpose. If you are unsure what the purpose is, know for now it is to overcome this moment so you may help others do the same. It is called a testimony.

Think of the person who is the dearest to you, someone you admire or love. If you imagine them taking their life, and imagine the pain you would feel, that is 0.1% of how painful it really is. If you think you are not admired and loved by someone, you are. Maybe you do not feel like you are. One day though, you will know you are. You are someone’s someone. In fact, be mine: 850-758-8922.

We like to have a reason for our sorrow, an excuse, a crutch. We enjoy dwelling on pain sometimes. I will tell you there is not a single good reason to take your life. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I will not pretend I have felt the same pain and sorrow that drew some to ending their life. I have wanted to end mine, but I know there are cases far beyond my understanding, and if I were in their shoes I might have gone through with it too. Though I do know, there is not much pain greater than seeing your only son hanging from a noose, receiving a call while away on business that your child has taken his life. I know 100% that if I could bring my brother back to see the tears I watched our parents and family cry, he would not have gone through with it. You do not get rid of your pain by ending your life. What you are really doing is multiplying it and giving it to others. Please consider how you would feel if your loved one did what you are thinking about doing. I guarantee if you lost someone to suicide you would no longer contemplate it yourself.

Sometimes I think, if I knew my brother was going to do what he did, I would have reminded him that I can no longer give him the foot massages he always asked me for. I would say this is the last time you hear your favorite song, this is our last sunset together, cherish its beauty. I will travel out west and all of the places you wanted to go; I will live life out for you. In all honesty, I would probably have just skipped the guilt trip and begged him to stay. There are so many little things in life that bring us joy. What are some of yours? Life gives us moments that are surreal and make all the pain you have felt worth it for that moment of pure joy. I have heard holding your new born baby is one, but what I can relate this to is a great day of surf, or a Christmas with my family. Reaching the top of a mountain and looking at the magnificent view is one. This one always changed my perspective. I become small, and the world becomes large. I realize how many people and places there are. That I am never alone, out of all the people in the city I see in the distance, someone’s problems are bigger than mine. In these joy filled moments, we will look back on our time of sorrow and be so glad we have overcome. We will be grateful that we are alive today, here in this moment.

Here is my take on coming to a solution:

It Is Okay To Be Okay

We all handle issues differently. I take certain things harder than others do, and vice versa. I am not discrediting any feelings or emotions, but sometimes we are choosing to dwell on the pain when we are capable of overcoming it, we just do not want to. If it is not going to matter in 5 years, we should not spend more than 5 minutes on it. Easier said than done, I know. It is okay to not be okay, but it is also okay to be okay! Most will not admit it, but sometimes we like to be pitied and sometimes we seek attention. You do not have to do this by dwelling on an issue that you could easily seek help for and overcome. I am not saying that this is why people commit suicide, but frequently we hear about cases where the issue could have been overcome. I doubt my brother committed suicide for the attention, but he honestly could have had a little bit of “I’ll show you” logic behind his decision. He was always such a rebel. My first recommendation to finding a solution would be to look at the big picture. Make sure your vision is not just clouded by emotion. Is the problem at hand something worth ending your life over, or is it something that can be overcome and worked though? Suicide does not end the chances of life getting worse, it eliminates the possibility of it ever getting better.

Find Hope

Every 40 seconds someone takes their own life. That is over 800,000 people a year. Do you really believe you are the only person who feels the way you do? Do you really believe no one could understand you? I think it is worth giving it a try. Whatever fear or doubt you have about seeking help, it is worth overcoming. Listen to someone’s testimony who has overcome contemplating and attempting suicide. Jake Luhrs is the lead singer from August Burns Red, and he shares his testimony that may leave you with some hope. I did not want to make my article so cliché that I say “you’re not alone” or “get help” but truly we are blessed to have the resources we have in America. There are gifted counselors doctors and psychiatrists who can talk to you, check your hormone levels, and prescribe medication if it is something medical or mental. I am not qualified, but you now have my number if you are not ready to see a professional and you would rather reach out to a friend first.

What Do You Have To Lose?

The best advice I could give you, the only true medicine or solution, is the author of hope Himself, Jesus Christ. “And call upon me in the day of trouble; I shall rescue you, and you will honor me” (Psalm 50:15). “Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.” (Psalm 34:19). If you have not called upon the Lord, what is stopping you? If you are contemplating suicide, what do you have to lose? He has promised to deliver you. He is the true counselor, doctor, and psychiatrist. He has personally delivered me out of my dark days, and He has delivered others who were in far darker places than I. You are not beyond saving. In fact, you were considered precious enough to be bought with the giver of life Himself. Do not selfishly take what He selflessly gave. “I have come so that they may have life, and may have it abundantly” (John 10:10). Allow Him to make your present life and eternal life better than you could imagine.