Finals are actually the worst—and when the weeks of bikini tops and no alarm clocks and road trips become closer and closer, the motivation to do much of anything stops. If you are anything like me, you may have found yourself in front of a screen, trying and trying to nail a study list and figure out what in the actual hell you were supposed to learn this semester, throwing your hands in the air, grabbing some Starbucks and saying, "It is what it is."
There's even an Alex + Ani bracelet adorned with it- yeah, that official. It's the most popular response when your friends are stressed or upset because, well "it just is what it is," right smack behind "you'll figure it out."
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Now tell me, have any of us actually felt better when being told this?
Schedules packed with events you question your interests in. Parents nagging to find more scholarships. People who don't respond after they start the conversation—yeah, our brains are jammed full. Being told that things "are what they are" is the equivalent of saying "just don't worry about it", or just "stop being stressed"—I think if there was a little switch on our heads that had the magical power to turn it all off, we would all be zenned out. In my psychology class, when showing a picture of a circle on a screen, when asked what it is, people replied "a circle." But when asked what it could be, the possibilities seemed to rattle on forever and ever.
You maybe thinking, "Okay, it's a phrase, why the hell are you so annoyed miss author lady, go throw some Office on and not think about it." And that is precisely why the phrase itself should change- it describes defeat, it's asking us to put whatever the heck we are bothered by completely to the side instead of taking responsibility and owning up to it. It blocks any possibilities for change, for solution, and puts all the blame on an outside force that we couldn't control ourselves.
"Hey look, it's a giant massive truck in the middle of the road to Disneyland. Guess we can't go now, it is what it is."
Yeah, hell no. If you really wanted to go, you would find a way to call someone to move the truck, ask the people driving what the problem is, find a new route, get there anyway. Everything is what it is because something made it that way, and often with our own problems and goals, we make it that way. So replace the phrase "it is what it is" with "It will be if I change _____", "What can I change so _____ happens for me."
I understand that it's easier said then done, but then again, nothing great comes easy. Sometimes the answer to these questions isn't found in an easy "I need to go to the gym more", or "Put an additional $10 in my savings every week."
Sometimes the answers need a lot of self honesty, need change of perspectives on people closest to you, force you out of your comfort zone and wake you up.
Yeah, it's terrifying realizing that some things in your life are not just there to be there, aren't a result of your mom or your ex boyfriend or crummy boss making you react certain way. Eleanor Roosevelt said it best: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
So don't let a situation stay in your life if you don't want it there. Learn your lesson, don't dwell on your past, locate the things driving you insane and fix them. It's easy to say you aren't rocking your life because of someone else, just like it's easy for a four year old to say the vase broke because their imaginary friend did it.
By saying it is what it is, you're closing yourself off to even entertaining the idea of having more than what your current situation lets you. It's saying there is no way that you can just move to New York, no way you'll get that promotion, no way you will have the life you really want today, "it just is what it is." It's saying you won't take a hard look at what happen, and saying you don't really want to open up to what could happen.
Moral of the story: don't settle for saying you have a lame job and awful love life because that's the way the cards played out. Or that if your ex didn't cheat on you, or if you did better in that one class you wouldn't be where you are. Keep your thoughts directed at all of your goals, decide once and for all that they will happen and you're totally worth it. Don't settle for it is what it is- say it's going to be because I made it that way.
After all, it's not about the cards we are dealt with, it's all about how we play them.
"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”- Anais Nin
