Empathy – the ability to understand, recognize, and sense other people’s emotions. “Taking a walk in someone else’s shoes” as it is often described. It is the very thing that makes us human, the thing that makes us able to feel and connect with one another so deeply. For some, this quality comes so naturally and is the fabric that makes up their heart and soul. While this trait is among one of the most beautiful and important to have, I find that some people feel so much that their empathy for others turns into a bit of a curse or even a problem.
I spend a majority of my time inside other people’s head. I worry, I analyze, I pay attention. I make an effort to make sure that those around me are comfortable. For my close friends and family, I reassure in attempts that they feel wanted, safe, and loved. I want nothing more than to care for people and go absolutely out of my way when they are in need. I check in, I accommodate, I listen. I put the happiness of others before my own because it’s just more important to me. I don’t do this out of righteousness, I do it because it’s the person I want to be, the person who makes everyone feel like a someone.
I often find myself thinking that this gift is one of my favorite qualities about myself. It has allowed me to take on many different hats and form a variety of friendships with different types of people. It has also made me realize my career ambitions of being a nurse. So what’s the problem? I often find myself thinking that this is one of my least favorite qualities about myself.
"You had a bad day? Oh my goodness I’m so sorry! You stubbed your toe? Ouch, I’m so sorry! You were late to your exam? Sorry girl! I did nothing wrong but you treated me awful? I’m sorry, it was totally my fault!"
You see my dilemma? I know I’m not the only one.
Empaths make countless excuses for people and justify actions that actually hurt them. It’s the need to see the best in people and understanding the reason people are the way they are and why they do the things they do. We always put the blame on ourselves whenever someone is unhappy or a bad situation arises. We have the best intentions for others but unfortunately it leaves so much room to be taken advantage of. People know that we will always say that we’re sorry and give them the benefit of the doubt. It’s an uphill battle of overanalyzing what we could have done wrong and criticizing our own actions. It potentially creates pain and heartache. In some cases, it’s easy to get lost in the midst of everyone else’s problems that we lose ourselves and fail to take care of our own mind, body and spirit.
We find ourselves so sad when others don’t reciprocate our actions. I think empaths may have the highest expectations because we put so much time and energy into other people that we believe they will do the same for us. It’s frustrating knowing that not everyone has the same heart as us. We pour our entire being into those around us that we run out of enough love and care for ourselves. This is where the problem truly lies.
In today’s world, we see so much hatred, violence, and hurt on the news. We only see stories about all the ugly parts and people of the world. On another hand, we see countless posts on social media preaching about how we need to put ourselves first and not be afraid to be a “bitch.” While this is partially true, I see absolutely no problem in choosing kindness and actually given a damn about the world and others. As someone who empathizes so deeply, it is our duty to be the ray of sunshine and a shimmer of hope.
I read a quote that said “you can’t pour from an empty cup… take care of yourself first” and wow, did that statement hit me hard. Make sure you always find the time to recharge and listen to your own heart. It is essential to your well being. Save some love for you and never mistake kindness for weakness because it takes such beautiful strength to put your own nonsense out of the way to truly listen and serve others. Whether it’s for your job, to your significant other, to a friend, everyone needs someone to turn to. Everyone deserves to feel like a someone.
So to all my fellow friends who feel that their empathy gets in the way, keep being you. You’re amazing, you’re needed, you’re special. Take care of yourself well so that you can care for people even better than you already do. This is who you are and there is absolutely no fault in that.
