Simultaneously the best and worst thing about time is that it moves forward. Bad days are left to disappear in the rearview, out of sight, out of mind, but good days slip away effortlessly too, left to be mere silhouettes of memories in the back of our minds–something to laugh at, something to cry about, something to wish you could feel all over again.
If only time had a rewind button. If only on the day you were born you were handed a brand new remote, equipped with only one function that could take you backwards in time. Wouldn’t life be a lot easier?
If time had a rewind button, I would go back and change a few things. I would undo a few mistakes, press rewind and stop myself from stumbling upon the hurt that I know in the present. I would unsay a lot of things that I regret. I would unhurt the people I’ve done wrong. I would sidestep the ones who have done me wrong. I would live a little more graciously, a little more spontaneously, and a little more courageously.
If time had a rewind button, I would appreciate more. I would remember to hug some people a few more times, really stop to take them in, and tell them I love them once more. I would enjoy every moment as I know now that these moments are fleeting.
Mostly, if time had a rewind button, I would go back to feel a few things once more: the first time someone told me they loved me, the day my little brother was born, the jitters of my first day of high school. I would go back to these moments again and again, and really stop and feel them. Maybe, this time, I’d able to appreciate them a little more. Because these were the good moments, the moments when I swore life couldn’t get any better, and then- surprise- it did. These were the moments where the bad days from the past were just specks in the back of my mind and when their pain was forgotten to make room for the bigger and better things.
But life doesn’t come with a rewind button, time only moves forward, and memories often fade into the background as we continue on our journeys. As much as I wish I could go back and change a few things, I know that every mistake, every heartbreak and every bad day is an integral part of who I am. The bad and the beautiful intertwine to write the story I will want to tell when I’m 90, a story that is far from perfect, but perfectly real.
Life doesn’t come with a rewind button, so don’t live your life trying to press rewind. Appreciate the past, but don’t live in it. Remember the hurt from the past, but don’t let it define you. Let your good days and bad days come together to tell your story. And know that everything happens for a reason, a carefully constructed equation that adds up to equal you.
