To Whomever This Letter Resonates With:
We come from a small town. A small town where everybody knows everybody, yet no one actually knows anyone. We come from a small town. A small town that could be described as none other than a black hole - either you get out, you never leave, or you never come back. We come from a small town. A small town that sits and doesn't move forward. We come from a small town. A small town that surrounded by this bubble of negativity, and the bubble refuses to pop.
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And sometimes, though the bubble surrounds everything and everyone, it gets to us personally, and so we form our own bubbles. Our own bubbles that seem impossible to pop. The worst part? We don't even know it. We don't know that we're living in this constant negativity. We don't see that we are constantly being ripped apart until we can no longer handle it. We don't see that this lifestyle is not normal and will never be normal no matter how much we convince ourselves.
Until recently I was one who had no idea. I was blind. I was blind to the role I was playing for so many people. I was blind to the pain and the constant feeling of just being drained all the time. I was blind to the exhaustion of just being a filler and a well for people to take from and never pour back into. And now that I have had the chance to take a step back, analyze my life, and realize it - I'm done.
I have always been the type of person to be helpful. To care for everyone around me. To love everyone around me. I have always done what I can no matter what. But what's the point of doing that if those people are not willing to give back? What is a relationship if it is only one sided?
Life has thrown me so many curveballs and I hit my breaking point. But now I am finally at a point where I am viewing my life from a different perspective. I am finally putting myself above toxic relationships and situations. I am changing my mindset and becoming a new person, even though I am not actually changing myself at all. Instead I am changing my surroundings, and the way things affect me. I am saying hello to positivity and goodbye to negativity. I am looking for genuine happiness in everything I do and everyone I accept into my life. I am no longer going to "fake it until I make it" and feel the need to convince myself into feeling a certain way simply because I won't have to anymore.
Home will always be home. Friends will always be friends. The past will always be the past. But the future is what I have to start focusing on. I need to start working on what's ahead, and stop trying to fix the damage that has already been done. I will never resent the things that have helped mold me into the person I have become, but I do believe that it is time to start using my experiences in a positive way. I have to start somewhere, and I am starting with my happiness and the things that I can control.
To you who are reading this and trying to figure out if you're a person who has put me in this place, by now I think you have already figured it out. So I would like to thank you for being the people who have hurt me and for showing me the relationships that I not only don't want in my life, but for showing me the relationships I don't need in my life. I want to thank you for helping learn to care from a distance, because I will always care about you, I just will be a few steps further than I was before.
Self care starts now. Happiness now comes first. Positivity is my new goal.
Thank you again, really.
All my love,
The New Me (I really haven't changed at all.)
