Have you ever found yourself staring into the glistening eyes of your feline friend or charismatic canine, curiously pondering what kinds of thoughts could possibly be running through his or her mind? It's only natural for us to wonder what these important animalistic members of our families are thinking on a day-to-day basis, especially since they cannot verbally express their thoughts and emotions to us. That being said, we can find a significant amount of amusement imagining what the inside of our cats' and dogs' minds might look like on the average day. Here are some particularly relatable thoughts that I'm sure pop up in our pets' brains on a regular basis:
1. Why do you smell like another dog? Did you pet Fluffy two doors down again, Jared? You did, didn’t you? I should've seen this coming. How could I have not picked up on the signs? You filthy cheater!
2. If I took away your reproductive rights without consulting you first and gave you a stale biscuit to console you after you woke up from surgery, how do you think you would feel? That’s what I thought, pal…
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3. Please, please, pleeeeease. I’m just asking you for one piece of meat from your plate. Can't you spare me one tiny piece? Then I will leave you alone. I promise. I aw-promise you.
4. If only I had opposable thumbs...
5. I heard a door shut. Did you hear a door shut? I heard a door shut; I know I did. I better go check the front door. I should bark and scratch at it for a good half an hour, too, just in case.
6. If humans can take "cat naps," than can cats take "human naps?"
7. Who cares if a little mud gets on the floor when I come inside? I mean, isn’t mud supposed to be like nature’s best exfoliant or something?
8. Yes, I realize you bought me that nice comfy pet bed at PetSmart, but it’s just not the same as sleeping in your bed with you.
9. Why did you choose to have hardwood floors over carpet?! I can hardly jog on this slippery surface without having my nails slide across the hardwood, leaving me to lie in a heap of sprained limbs.
10. I swear to the cat gods, if that sticky-fingered terroristic toddler grabs my tail one more time, I will release the wrath of my unremoved claws onto her.
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11. Ugh, uh… wait for it… wait for it… ahhhhh. Sorry, that one was pretty liquidy. I guess in some ways I'm thankful I'm not the one with opposable thumbs; I don't have to scrape messy presents like that off the concrete.
12. Ooh is that what I think it is up there on the road? It is! It's a partially-rotted roadkill carcass! I’m just gonna go sniff it. That’s it, really; that’s all I wanna do…
13. Do you seriously want to name me “Fifi?” You do realize I’m a male, right? Pick me up, turn me over. I promise you, the right nuts and bolts are all there and clearly visible lady. And if you call me “Fifi” for the rest of my life, you better expect lots of “pee-pee” on your carpet. That’s not a threat; it’s a promise.
14. Hey, I'm just asking this as a favor for a friend, but do you know if it's possible to contract diseases from drinking toilet water?
15. Is it true that all dogs go to heaven?
16. SQUIRREL!
17. All I’m saying is if you’re going to put the fish tank out here right in the open to tempt me and leave the lid off with your back turned for a few minutes, don’t act all surprised when you hear a splash and turn around to see me drowning in your fish tank.
18. Just because cats are known to be “more independent,” doesn’t mean you can leave me for a week by myself in your shitty apartment with an oversized bowl of cat food and two litter boxes.
19. Listen, I may not be able to speak and I may not have opposable thumbs like you do, but I have feelings and I do matter.
20. You’re my best friend and I’ll always be loyal to you
In conclusion, our pets may not be able to verbally communicate with us, but that doesn't prevent them from establishing roles as important members in our family units. Paw print by paw print, with their unrivaled dedication to loyalty and abundance of innocence, they easily squeeze their way into our hearts. In fact, this may even be the explanation as to why our pets do become such meaningful parts of our lives; they are able to establish bonds with us that are rooted in so much more than dialogue.
