How would your parents describe you? Would they say you are smart and philosophical? Would they call you a social butterfly? Do they smile proudly when they tell other people that you are positive and happy? These are all phrases Rebecca and Rick Winkler once used to describe their son, Drew. But now, years later, their words are very different. The once smart, happy light is gone. Drew Winkler is gone.
In the early morning hours of Memorial Day 2016 while the rest of the house slept, Drew Winkler was wide awake. Walking quietly through the house he shared with his parents and two young sons, he slipped into the home office to retrieve a gun, before continuing out to his car in the driveway.
Many people believe a lie about suicide. They think that it is selfish or cowardly. They are wrong. People who commit suicide do not do so because they are trying to get attention or because they are too afraid to face their problems. People who kill themselves do so because they honestly believe the world would be a better place without them.
As he sat in his car on that Monday morning, Drew Winkler believed that. He sent texts to his family and friends assuring them that he loved them and then posted one final status to Facebook. His message was simple, but its meaning was as complex and lasting as the life he had lived. “1 of 22 per day… (why) can’t they just help us… goodbye.”
Though it may seem that Drew’s story ends that early Monday morning, that is simply not true. Drew’s decision to end his own life may have ended his presence here on earth; it is part of a movement that is even now changing and affecting the lives of others.
Though tragic and heartbreaking on its own, Drew’s death is not an isolated event. Look around your community and you can find many stories like his. Drew was a veteran.
He enlisted in the Air Force, wanting to make the world a better place and was stationed in Italy before volunteering for a tour in Iraq.
Upon returning to Italy in 2011, Drew was diagnosed with PTSD and given several medications. After being discharged, he arrived home a different man. He went to Veteran’s Affairs and they were astonished by the amounts of medicine he had been prescribed. After applying for disability twice, he was turned down and told he did not meet the VA’s requirements to be treated as someone who was suffering from PTSD.
Over the next five years, Drew fought. He fought the night terrors that plagued his dreams and stole his sleep. He fought the stress induced seizures that overcame his body and left him exhausted and fragile. He fought the demons in his head that made it hard for him to be in crowds. He fought the anxiety that found him and tortured him while he was at work. His brother would find him curled up under his desk in the dark struggling to make it through the work day.
The one bright spot in his life, were Drew’s children. Drew fell in love with a woman who had a young son and together they had another child. Though the couple later split, Drew loved both boys fiercely. “Those boys were his whole life,” his mother Rebecca said. “Both of them, he wanted to be the perfect father.” Drew was given joint custody of both boys and spent as much time with them as he could.
Sadly, three-year-old Christian and one-year-old Caydan will grow up in a world without their father. He won’t be there to play catch with them when they join the baseball team. He won’t be there to see them graduate high school or college. He won’t be there to see his boys on their wedding days or hold his grandchildren.
The intention of this story is not to place blame. There is far too much of that going around in the world today. The intention is to tell the story of a young man who died too young and ask how things could have been different.
It is estimated that 22 veterans a day commit suicide. This may be due to PTSD, other mental illnesses or the struggle to readjust to life after the military. The statistics on Active Duty and Reserve members who die from suicide are not much better. Whether it is poor medical care, denied benefits, or just the constant struggle to survive in a normal life after the stress of war, people who volunteered to protect us are dying.
It does not matter your politics or whether or not you agree with America’s participation in the conflict in the Middle East. It makes no difference if you support the military or believe they are necessary. The bottom line is this, people are dying. Human beings with dreams and futures and families that love them are choosing to leave this world, believing it will be a better place without them.
Mothers and fathers are visiting the graves of their children. Daughters and sons are learning about their parents through pictures and stories. Friends are watching their loved ones slip away while feeling helpless to do anything about it.
We cannot continue to ignore these tragedies.
If someone in your life is struggling with PTSD or another mental illness, listen to them. It is not enough to just hope that things will all work out in the end and they will get the help they need. Drew’s brother Corey stated, “…Drew would want people to know is you know...the run around is no longer gonna be accepted.”
Decide today to make a difference. You can take part in the #22PushupsChallenge on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram to raise awareness and funds to help veterans suffering from PTSD and the families of soldiers who have died from suicide. The Winkler family has created a Facebook page dedicated to remembering our fallen heroes and devoted to an open conversation about triggers and causes of PTSD for the purpose of educating those of us who want to help and save our veterans. Get involved with one of the many organizations around the nation and volunteer your time or resources to help our veterans understand their options.
What happened to Drew is a tragedy. What would be an even greater tragedy is if his boys had to grow up in a world where nothing changed. One day, they can look back and understand that their father’s story is an important one. One day, 22 will be just a number, and our military members will come home from serving and feel supported and loved.
The story of Drew Winkler has reached hundreds if not thousands of people and will continue to do so until 22 becomes zero. Drew's parents speak out about veteran suicide daily in an effort to change the statistics. Drew Winkler was loved and his legacy will live on in the lives of his sons and family. In one of the many pieces written about Drew, it was stated, "If love could have saved him, he would have been immortal."
Decide today to take a stand. Decide to be strong for those who have been strong for you. We've got a lot of work to do. Let's start now.
