If I was skinny:

1. I wouldn't be afraid to eat in front of you.

I choose what I think you would want me to choose when I'm home with you because I'm afraid about what you'll say about what I'm eating, I can't stand the looks I get from you when I eat something unhealthy or when I don't eat when you want me to. Even if I do eat healthy, you still have a criticism to give me (as if what I'm doing still isn't enough). Please know that I do love fruits and vegetables. You just don't always see me eat them.

2. I might like seeing myself in a picture.

Every time I see myself in a picture I cringe. I see everything I hate about myself. I already see everything that is wrong with me. I see myself as the ugly duckling of every group I'm with. People can tell me how pretty they think I am, but I don't see it. I always wonder if there is a man out there that will be able to see me for more than the number on a scale.

3. We might have a better relationship.

I know you don't get along with me because I'm overweight and you're not. You're disciplined enough to meal prep and workout everyday. I usually can't even finish the series I just started on Netflix. Even if I did exercise daily you would still have something to add (because I wasn't doing it the way you would do it).

4. I might love myself.

I might like who I see when I look in the mirror every morning. I already see everything you hate about me. Truth is, I hate it too. You say "If you would just...", but it's not that easy.

Maybe one day I'll be that person that you and I can both love, but for right now I need you to love me for who I am. You can't fix me,m I'm far beyond that. What I need is love and understanding.