If I had known that the last Christmas spent together was the last holiday we got, I would have put a little more time into the gift I got you. However, you still managed to have the biggest smile on your face and thank me for it.
If I had known that our 10-minute phone call would be our last talk, I would have stretched it out as long as I could. But you still managed to make me laugh so hard in such a short time.
If I had known a hug and a kiss on the cheek would be our last physical interaction, I would have squeezed a little tighter. However, I still remember the love you gave in that hug despite the lack of strength you had.
With the death of a loved one there is always a regret that comes up. Maybe you should have been more caring, more gentle, more something... more anything. But the one thing we need to stop doing is focusing on the negative aspects of what you should have done and focus on what was done.
When you tell someone about the loss of someone close, the first thing they say is "I'm sorry". I just wish to ask why? What could you have done, and then I realize... what could I have done? Unfortunately, things like this happen whether or not we squeezed a little tighter during our last hug. One thing we must and always do from this point is to drop the grief we may have and start to celebrate what we loved about that person.
What we can do now is show the world the parts of that person that made them who they were. Whether it be the smile they gave a stranger on the street, or the cheerful tone they always had when picking up the telephone. Within us our loved ones live- and the last thing they want is to be remembered as an "If only" instead lets cover their memory with the love they once had on this world.
This is not to say we can't get sad when they aren't at a gathering. Grieving is normal. Sadness is normal. Let's instead use that sadness to make the world happier as it was when they were alive.
This article has been dedicated to my late grandfather (or as we called him, Bdad), who passed away 3/29/19- but who's love of hockey, baseball, and family will live on wherever life takes us.
