Imagine that you're holding a book- you're resting your hand on its spine and feeling the corners at the tip of your finger. Now, imagine if that book you were holding could think. What would it think about you? Would it even like you? Here are 12 plausible thoughts a book could have.
1. "Don't think I can't see you looking at all those other books on Amazon. You left me here, and right in the middle of the climax! OF ALL PLACES! I guess you can't trust a guy to have a little commitment."
2. "Please, for the love of God, put me on a top shelf. I hate children. These kids will be the death of me."
3. "Why do you think I would have pictures in me? I'm a novel for Christ's sake, not some picture book. Why does everyone think picture books are better than me..."
4. "D-did you just bend my corner? How dare you! Use a bookmark! I was in mint condition before I fell into your dirty mitts. MINT CONDITION."
5. "I know you're mad but remember: It's the author's fault, not mine. I'm sure we can deal with this like civilized adults- oh, now I'm out the window."
6. "Did you feel that tear? I felt that tear, and I know you felt that tear too. Please, be gentle with me!"
7. "What do you mean the movie is better than me!? BLASPHEMY!"
8. "Is there something wrong with me? Several people picked me up and put me back in my bookstore. Will I ever find a home in someone's library?"
9. "Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear. Excuse me! Your water bottle wasn't screwed shut all the way! I feel its cold liquids seeping into me, in your bag! MY PAGES ARE STARTING TO STICK TOGETHER!"
10. "Hello? Is anyone there? I've been at the bottom of this stack for, well, I can't seem to remember. I can't remember the last time I've seen the light of day."
11. "I'll admit that $200 was a steep price for me. But look on the bright side! You'll definitely use me for the rest of your career."
12. (In an old-timer's voice) "My spine was broken, my body was torn to shreds, and I've been scalded by coffee. But, I know at the end of the day, I've had more love than any other book."
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