Driving in rush-hour traffic is stressful enough, but if you've driven on I-4 you know the real struggle. These are thoughts that may have run through your head while driving (or sitting) on I-4:
1. Has this person ever actually driven before?
You look at this 40-something in a business suit and wonder how he can possibly be this bad of a driver. He's in a Mercedes or BMW, but he doesn't seem to care as he's drifting between lanes and talking on his phone.
2. Really, why are you slamming on your brakes as soon as it starts to drizzle?
This is Florida, and despite its "sunshiney" reputation, it rains buckets. Please stop letting the rain cause you to have a total freak out in the middle of the highway. Rain doesn't mean you have to slow down to 30 mph.
3. Can we just keep driving instead of causing a backup by looking at the wreckage from this accident?
You're not helping by stopping and staring. By the time you get to pass an accident, most of it is cleared up and you're just staring at the cops and a torn off bumper. Let emergency services worry about it and keep driving before you cause an accident yourself.
4. Disney needs to move away from this god-forsaken highway.
Not only is this area full of people, but it's full of tourists. This means that they probably don't know where they are going and have a whole caravan to hold you up for another 20 minutes.
5. There's a dark place in Hell for this guy who just skipped this line by driving up the shoulder.
Who do you think you are? Are you more important than all the rest of us trying to get somewhere, too?
6. Yes, please continue to honk at the person in front of you, who can't do anything.
I understand the anger brought on by being stuck in traffic, but please don't make everyone else even saltier by being "that guy" who lays on the horn for no reason. A horn is for emergencies, not your frustration.
7. Motorcycle guy, I envy you.
Look at you and your freedom! You're the only thing moving on this highway for the next hour.
8. I know you think you look tough in that Mazda, but trust me, you don't.
You know those guys that are super aggressive drivers in their kit cars with modified exhausts that make big noises? Apparently, they don't understand that revving the engine to deafening levels doesn't make them cool or fast. We're all stuck here, dude, including you.
9. Hey, maybe if I signal, someone will let me over?
No? OK, I'll just wait here.
10. Maybe a short jam session will pass the time?
Oh, that worked until that guy in the Acura caught me. Oh no, now he's pointing. Well, that was fun, but now I'm bored.
11. If I got out of the car right now, could I walk to my exit faster?
Since we are at a dead stop, how far could I walk before cars would start moving again? Maybe if I jog I could get to the exit first?
12. Why are there three sets of lane markers in this construction zone?
Help. why are there so many lines? Why didn't anyone paint over the old ones? OK, I'll just follow this minivan's path.
13. Haven't they been repaving this part for, like, 10 years?
The construction will never end! I swear there's a conspiracy to never finish the road work.
14. Maybe I'll just die here.
How long have I been here? It feels like I'll die here. Or maybe I already have. This could be Hell.
