"You know, there's this 80/20 rule." He says to me without looking in my direction. I could tell he was going to regret what he was going to say because he never appreciated when he told the truth.
"What the 80/20 rule?" I asked.
"Well, it basically means no one is ever 100%. No one can ever have EVERYTHING they want in someone else. You will always want something they don't have."
"What does that have to do with 80/20?"
"Well, that's what you have. It's either 80% or it's 20%."
"So, between me and her, which one am I? 80% or 20%?"
He doesn't answer and we sat in silence together for a long period of time. Until I decided to finally break the silence with something meaningless. I knew his answer and so did he. But we both didn't want to sit there and admit that I wasn't enough for him.
OF COURSE, this is not OK. Of course, this isn't something anyone wants to hear. No one wants to know that they are 20% of what they want and someone else is their 80%. Who would ever want to feel that pain? Well, this is the excuse my ex-boyfriend gave me for his toxic behavior and why he would act the way he did. Sadly, he wasn't the only one like this and this wasn't the same excuse with the rest of my toxic relationships. It turns out, I'm not what anyone wanted and their reasoning for cheating would be as follows:
1. The 80/20 rule
2. You don't like to go out
3. You don't like to stay in the house
4. All you do is play video games
5. You're boring
6. You're too independent
7. You want too much attention
Never being the person someone wants and always coming up second is happening more and more often in this day and age. I have spent most of my longest relationship being someone's second choice. I've had people tell me that I was too independent and this would hurt their manhood because they wanted someone who depended on them. I got cheated on because I was "boring" and I didn't like going out every weekend. I got cheated on for always staying in the house and "not knowing how to have fun."
I want everyone to know this now: do not compromise the person you are to be "better" for someone else. They knew exactly what they were getting into when they started to converse and think of all of the reasons to be with you. Also, don't let the media decide what is and isn't a healthy relationship. Having one is simple! Do right by your significant other and everything will be fine. If couples lay out everything they want and desire in the beginning, no one would have this problem in the future.
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