I have been playing the violin for seven years since the sixth grade. I loved it with all my heart. Aside from school and FFA, orchestra was my passion. For the majority of high school, I played the first violin in my school orchestra, a community orchestra, and I took weekly private lessons. My parents bought me a high-end intermediate instrument so that I could progress even further. Long story short, my violin meant everything to me.
But then, as with happens with most 18-year-olds, college happened. From the end of summer 2019 until just a few months ago, I thought about my violin, Henrietta, often. However, my transition into the unknown of college life left me either forgetting about how much I missed playing or preoccupied with schoolwork.
Now that it's summer again, I was done putting it off. So I found a new sonata to learn (the second movement of this one), printed it out, and got ready. I was definitely scared, though. Would I still love it? Would I still have an ear for intonation? Would I still feel the music? There was only one way to find out. Nervously, I picked up Henrietta again and see how much I remembered. Not only did I remember most of what I acquired through classical training, but I learned a lot about myself, too.
Muscle memory is a gift from God.
Gabby tuning the orchestra as Concert Master at a school performance in 2017.
Gabby's mom
Just like this article describes, muscle memory is every musician's best friend. Just like riding a bike, it says, "the more you do it, the easier it gets". It's not like I didn't believe in muscle memory before Henrietta and I parted ways, but I never would have guessed how powerful of a hold it would have on me. When I went to test out the new sonata, my hands were stiff, sure, but after about half an hour, I was once again finding the higher notes I used to spend hours trying to hit accurately. I've been playing again for about three months now, and I feel like I am back to where I used to be last year. I am relieved and over the moon.
Time does not wash away passion.
Gabby and her violin, Henrietta, taking pictures at a winter shoot for my high school senior pictures in January 2019.
An integral part of music is passion. Anyone can learn and replicate adequate performance technique, but you can't emulate passion; it is impossible to portray emotion in your music unless you believe that the sounds you are creating are alive. I was nervous that I had lost this. Over the last year, I have changed so much. I started college, underwent a huge identity change (you can read about that here), and I started shying away from listening to classical music recreationally. However, once I started realizing that I did not lose all of my abilities, I got excited again, just like the good 'ole days. Music is such a big part of my life, so I suppose I shouldn't be too surprised, but I welcome it all the same.
I am worthy of calling myself a violinist.
Gabby happily taking a selfie after falling in love with the violin again.
Gabby Barber
This one has been by far the most important thing I have realized upon rekindling my relationship with the violin. After starting therapy in September, I realized I struggle with internal competition and what I call Superlative Syndrome. I want to be the b(est) at everything. This feeling was the most extreme in high school. Then I wanted to be the smart(est), kind(est), skinn(iest), and excelling at stringed musicianship was not an exception to my expectation to be #1. Of course, I still struggle with Superlative Syndrome, but I work hard to tone this down and just enjoy my passion and life on my own terms. Picking Henrietta back up has been a tiring test in how well I can hold up to these efforts. There's no way I can be the best after not practicing for a year, but I realize now that it doesn't matter. Who cares? I am having a blast playing. It is a relief when I am stressed, an empowering feeling on days when I feel like a rockstar, a remedy to my spirit when I feel sad, and a magical sensation to the ears at every emotion in between.
I am passionate. I am trained. I am forever training more. I am prepared. I am a violinist.
