I'll be the first to admit that I have a hard time always loving myself. Sometimes it's hard to treat my body kindly. For a long time, for too long, I didn't like what I saw in the mirror. As a preteen, I thought my middle was too round and my appendages too long. As a high schooler, I would compare myself to girls who had the "perfect" curves I always wished I had. Even now, after having overcome so many of my insecurities, after putting in the effort day after day to appreciate myself and my body, I see beautiful women and have a difficult time stopping myself from wondering why I don't look like them.
I've had to have a talk with myself- more than once- about why I feel like the way I look isn't good enough. Why do I think I'm not womanly enough for the world? Who told me that my figure wasn't acceptable enough to be considered pretty? Who made me think that my appearance determined my worth?
I'm a woman. Regardless of my curves or lack thereof, I'm a woman through and through.
I'm sick and tired of struggling to feel like one because I don't look like the "perfect" version of one.
I've always been short and thin- you'd call it petite, but for a while, I only saw myself as scrawny. I never had the big chest or the big butt; I was always so jealous of my friends that told me they hated having to find bras big enough for them because I never had that problem. I was so appalled by friends that said they wished they had my figure because I would kill to have hips like theirs. I never felt girly enough because I wasn't curvy enough, I didn't feel my age because I never felt like I looked it. My running joke is that I feel like I look like an eleven-year-old boy- I have the hips of one!
Especially with today's social media, it's hard to feel like the epitome of a woman when there's an Instagram model or a bikini photo on your feed to make you feel so much less than.
I don't know when it happened… maybe it was when I started really taking pride in how I dressed, maybe it was when I started changing my negative self-talk to positive affirmations… little by little, I started doing small things to change how I looked at myself, and it worked! I started liking what I saw in the mirror. Instead of wishing, I had this girl's chest, this girl's butt, and this girl's waist, I started appreciating my own body. I told my body that I loved it and slowly but surely, I meant it.
So maybe I'm part of the Itty-Bitty-Titty Committee, maybe you're tall and statuesque, maybe you have a butt that just won't quit, or maybe you're like most of us and are still struggling to love yourself completely. We're still women, no matter our shape. We shouldn't let anyone make us feel less than.
