When I was younger I couldn't stop staying the phrase "I wish I was older" because I was so obsessed with the idea of growing up and adulting. It's ironic because now I can't help but think every so often, "I wish I was younger." I don't think it has hit me yet that I'm 18 years old and technically an adult. I don't feel 18 because I still live a pretty sheltered life; I don't have to work to provide a living for myself and I'm still in college, learning, growing and changing. I know that I still have the luxury of acting like a child in many ways and for that I am extremely grateful. I also have my parents to thank for this because they are the ones that have provided me with so much.

Although I still have a long ways to go before I am fully independent, I cannot ignore the truth; I am getting older and I need to slowly become more independent. With this truth, I often feel nostalgic about the past. Let me try to explain:

As I get older, I start to see things differently, things that were so magical and sparkly as a child. For example when I think of Christmas now I see how tired my parents are and notice the lack of snow on the ground. I know Santa Claus isn't real, something I wasn't too aware of as a kid, which takes away an element of wonder and surprise. Instead of gifts on Christmas, I get cash or a gift card, which is more useful for me now, but not as exciting as opening up a neatly wrapped toy or gadget.

Going to college has changed how I go about my day so drastically. Before college I would wake up so early and have a strict routine for my entire day; school, sports, clubs, homework, and repeat. Now everyday school day looks a little different for me depending on what I have to get done. I have more responsibility academically to get things done; I don't have teachers reminding me to turn in assignments and I definitely don't know everyone in my college classes, so I don't have too many friends keeping me on track either. Living away from my parents also gives me so much freedom in terms of eating, how I keep my room and sleeping. Sometimes I miss sitting down as a family and eating or watching a movie with the 6 other people in my house.

Growing up experiencing a loss of innocence with every year I age; it makes me miss being a kid with almost no worries. When I was younger I wasn't really thinking about a career or my future I was truly living in the moment. If growing up means losing the joy and wonder of childhood, then I would love to stay forever young.