If I could have a talk with my dog, I'd start out by asking how he feels about eating the same thing every single day. Don't you think dogs get tired of the same dry, bland kibble we pour into their bowl every morning? No matter how dull it seems to me, he seems just as excited about it every day as he always has. I'd ask him what his favorite table scraps are, and then I'd make a whole meal for the both of us of whatever he wanted, just to treat him, while I let him bark my ear off.

If I could have a talk with my dog, I'd ask him what he did all day while I was gone. Does he sleep the whole time? Does he pace the apartment looking for something to sniff or scratch for hours at a runaway cookie underneath the couch? We'd talk forever and I'd ask where he really preferred to be scratched, behind the ears or on the belly? A debate as old as time itself.

If I could have a talk with my dog, I'd probably try to explain to him that baths are a good thing, and he doesn't need to be afraid. I'd tell him that I've always tried my hardest to be patient and gentle when giving him a bath because I can tell how much he hates them. He'd ask me how I will myself to take a shower every single day, and I'd just laugh because I just couldn't break it to him that being smelly can be off-putting. He doesn't care if he's a little stinky sometimes, why should I?

If I could have a talk with my dog, I'd get the facts on how he feels about the baby talk. I've had him for 11 years this October and I still talk to him as if he was just a pup. I would ask if that made him feel like I'm not taking him seriously, and if he preferred to be spoken to like the pre-teen he is.

If I could have a talk with my dog, I'd thoroughly explain how to use a toilet, and see if I could get him to grasp the concept. If not, oh well, I enjoy our daily walks around the neighborhood anyway.

If I could have a talk with my dog, I'd tell him that he doesn't need to put his guard up for every other dog we pass on the street. I'd tell him that if they're on a leash too, that probably means they have an owner who loves them just like I love him, and they probably don't want to fight. He doesn't always need to be so protective.

If I could have a talk with my dog, I'd let him know how much his friendship has meant to me over the last decade. We'd reminisce on some of our favorite memories like sharing a vanilla ice cream cone, and the time he threw up on me on the way home from the vet. I'd tell him he was my absolute dearest friend, and I couldn't imagine growing up in a world without him. When I was sad, he'd lick my tears. When I was energetic, I'd let him chase me around the yard. When I felt like there was no one on Earth who understood my heart and soul, I know that he did. His unrelenting love has been my sole purpose on my dark days. His happy spirit has given me the perfect end to my light days. I'd tell him that no matter what language barrier kept us from verbally communicating, he could always be sure that I've loved him from the moment I picked him out 11 years ago. He's my love. He's my light. He's my best friend.

If only I could have a talk with my dog...