At the beginning of the new year, everyone makes these new year resolutions that usually don't last till the end of the month. For me, that resolution was always the same: lose weight, go on a diet, cut out carbs. Any alternative to "make myself pretty enough to hide my lack of self-confidence" was good enough. As you can guess, these "resolutions" rarely lasted a month; unless I saw worth within myself, none of these other habits would stick. So for my 2019 resolution, I decided I would use the year to love myself entirely.

When I started, I didn't know what I was supposed to do or what I was meant to change. I was bullied for my weight since I was very young and since then I've never been able to look at myself the same way. Instead of looking at food as food, all I can think about is calories, sugars, and fats. Some days I couldn't look in the mirror without bursting into tears at the sight I saw, yet according to my BMI, I was in the perfectly normal range for my weight and height.

I decided that every morning when I woke up, I would take time to appreciate myself. When I put my feet on the floor, I would thank my legs for working and my feet for carrying me. While I did my morning routine, I appreciated my hands for helping me complete basic tasks like making breakfast and getting dressed. Every time I felt low about myself, I wrote something encouraging on a sticky note and put it on my mirror so that when I woke up, it would be the first thing I would see.

Remember: Nothing will change if you don't try. Any attempt is better than no attempt at all.

My favorite tactic? Any time I had an irrational thought I would call myself out on my own B.S. using basic logic. Every time I thought, "I'm already so fat, I don't deserve to eat; I shouldn't eat anything." I told myself instead, "You are HUNGRY, you need fuel to SURVIVE. Eat the damn fuel." Whenever I thought, "My body is ugly, nobody should look at me," I would automatically tell myself instead that "I am HUMAN, which makes me DIFFERENT and BEAUTIFUL." At first, I thought these tactics were useless, but, over time, they started to work. The irrational thoughts began to die down when logic took over, and I replaced them with love, adoration, and appreciation for myself. I am determined to a fault, I'm unapologetically honest, funny, and a little weird, but I absolutely love it all.

So as you may be thinking of your 2020 New Year's Resolution, remember to keep a realistic resolution in mind. Keep your mornings mindful, your diets open to natural carbs, and your irrational thoughts silenced.